The Other Side, Again

So, as I bragged about in my WWW post for the week, I got rid of Rebel.  First of all, what kind of cold-hearted woman BRAGS about breaking up with someone?  What kind of woman gives herself so much credit anyway?

Things with R were not serious, there had been no L word mentioned (but there were red roses on V-Day…women read into that and I think men know that, so WTF?) and while, I think we were both kinda like, “you’re cool, I like hanging out with you,” I don’t think he was madly in love with me and I broke his poor, little heart by any means.

In fact, after going back and forth on a few issues, I said that we weren’t going to work out was because I was looking for something serious and he just wasn’t that.  After refuting all of my other reasons, to THAT, he was kind of like, “yeah, okay.”

So there you have it.  I can’t blame him for not wanting anything serious in his life right now and he can’t blame me for seeking it. 

But, I know if it were up to him, we would have trucked along with the status quo.  The break up was definitely one-sided and I have guilt over it and am a little sad for the loss of him as a friend. 

So yesterday when he posted something on Facebook about how it’s weird to go from talking to someone every day to just not, I sent him a text, being all, “no it’s cool, we can still talk, let’s be friends, let’s do all the stuff we talked about doing before.”  And I would truly be fine with that – because nothing has changed for me. 

I thought of him as a good friend before and basically it just took me some time to tell him that.  But to him, we were in a romantic relationship and, at least for the time being, I was his someone.  Until I called an audible.

Kinda like exactly what happened to me in November.  And the November guy legitimately wanted to be friends.  And so did I, at first, because I thought it would lead to him realizing how awesome I am and how lame he was for thinking otherwise.  But, just because his feelings weren’t there, didn’t mean mine could just go away and it was best for me to not see him at all anymore.

So when Rebel didn’t respond to my text, I was a  little hurt, but understood.  It’s not fair to tell someone that he’s awesome and you still want to hang out, but that it’s not going anywhere and eventually you’re going to want to make out and stuff with other guys instead of him.  You can’t have it both ways. 

I’m glad I’m on this other side again.  My guilt over ending things is nothing compared to the guilt I felt for keeping him on my hook.  Most importantly, I am really glad my boyfriend spot is free.

I’m totally loving Jerrod Niemann’s painfully true song, What Do You Want?, right now.  So, please enjoy his panty-dropping voice singing about the selfishness and heartache of staying in touch with exes:

 

WWW8

My 10 goals are:

1. Lose 5 pounds in January and maintain (starting is 122.6).
2. Sign up for a new dating site in February (assuming Mr. Amazing doesn’t waltz in before that).
3. Climb the seven summits of Phoenix in seven days.
4. Make a real meal at least once a week.
5. Adopt a pet.
6. Get a bike and decrease my gas usage.
7. Write my guest post for The Chick Lit Bee.
8. Roll over my 401(k)s.
9. Do six things with friends (happy hours, game nights, etc.).
10. Find and participate in a volunteer opportunity.

This week’s questions:

1.  What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?

I hiked the seven peaks this weekend!  I started Thursday and finished up today!  I’m so glad I stuck with it and truly feel accomplished.

I signed up for Match.com.  I’m testing the waters and doing their three-day trial.  I don’t know if it’s much different from the free sites I’ve been on, so I might cancel and go eHarmony.  Until the end of the month, they are offering their three-month subscription for $20 a month.  I love me a discount.

I finally talked to my boss about how to get over the hurdle that’s tripping me up with my 401(k)s and I got the rollover check from one of old companies.

For my home-cooked meal, I made a pasta with some veggies I had that needed to be used. 

2.  Pretty much everywhere this past week experienced some mild weather – did this change have any effect on you?

I had already planned to do my hiking this weekend (because it was long, so I got an extra day), but I got one day in before our spring-like weather vanished.  The temps dropped 20 degrees and it rained for most of the weekend!  I might have rescheduled, but I really wanted to cross this one off this week.  I managed to get out when it wasn’t actually raining, but still overcast and cool, which was kinda nice!

3.  Walk us through your ideal workout.

Eek, I have too many to pick from.  I’d rank them like this:

1.  A long, body-is-working-with-me-not-against-me run
2.  A spin class with a young, hip teacher who plays music that keeps me from checking the clock every five minutes
3.  A two-hour hike that barely feels like working out because I’m out in the sunshine and enjoying the views, but that I feel the next day (yeah, this is a new one!)
4.  Warm up on the elliptical, 40 minutes with weights and sexy men who are more concerned with checking themselves out, but still and finish with a cardio sesh on Stairmaster + actually remembering to roll and stretch

I guess it’s safe to say my ideal workout is one where I don’t pay attention to the fact that I’m working out!

4.  What happened in the last week that you have to brag about?

Um, I hiked seven mountains in five days! 

AND, I finally ended things with a guy who was mostly just parked in my boyfriend spot, but that I knew needed to be towed.  Poor Rebel.  But, I’m a people-pleaser and hate confrontation and being the breakupper, so it was a big step in terms of taking care of #1 aka, doing what’s best for ME.

5.  Fun Question of the Week: Spring Fever has hit the stores… what’s your favourite thing to shop for in the Spring?

Dresses!  I live in dresses in the spring, summer and fall (and sneak them in when I can in winter), so I love stocking up on cheap, cute sundresses and t-shirt dresses.  I went into Target the other day and was thrilled to see they are starting to get their dresses out.  My budget for this month wasn’t having any of it, so sadly, I had to leave empty handed, but I reminded myself that next month they’ll probably have even more options!

Positive picture:  My favorite pic I took this weekend, from the top of Camelback Mountain!

 

A Facebook Boyfriend?

The last time I was “In a Relationship” with someone on Facebook was in college. I was 21 and you still had to have a college or corporate email address to join and the basic features were cool, not stalkerish or relationship-destroying.

We were Romeo and Juliet.  Well, okay, not exactly, but definitely from different groups. As one of my friends delicately put it, “isn’t he, like, popular?” Why, yes, yes he is and he’s MY boyfriend. On Facebook nonetheless.

This morning – five years later – I woke up and like 28% of 18-34-year-olds, I checked Facebook on my Crackberry before even getting out of bed and had a request. “Rebel has requested you to add him as your boyfriend.”

Well, crap.

I wasn’t too shocked, so I suppose I should rewind to explain how we got here.  Spoiler alert:  This es no bueno.

It took a week after our fight for him to break the ice and attempt to put things back together and another week to find time to hang out.  Monday was the first time I saw him since the walk out and I meant to “break up” with him.  I say “break up” because I don’t feel like we were ever together, least of all now. 

But, he came over with a nice bottle of wine and a plan for a great date, so yeah, I didn’t break up with him and instead accepted his invite of another date on Wednesday.  Last night, Rebel and I stayed in and finally had the talk I attempted two weeks ago, but that I didn’t really care about having anymore.

He said lovely things, but they just can’t change how I feel about him or the things I’m looking for or the fact that, at least for now, he’s not those things and I kinda told him that, but he still thought it a good idea to end the conversation with, “and I’d like you to be my girlfriend.” And I kept very quiet.  It wasn’t actually a question after all.

Ugh.  So now what?  The request is just hanging there.  And yes, he already has friends “liking” and commenting on his update. 

I could have avoided this all together if I had cut it off back in December when I knew that’s where it was heading.  I’m so bad at being the dumper.  And after having jerks in my boyfriend spot for so long, it’s nice to have someone, well, nice, which makes me feel very UN-NICE for wanting to tow him out, especially now in such a public way.

Guideposts

Dear Ann Landers,
I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle and was hoping for your guidance.  You see, my good friend is getting married and has asked me to be in the wedding.  That’s great, right?  The problem is…that I’m in love with the groom.  What’s a girl to do?
Cheers,
Emjaye

Okay, not really, but I recently spent time with the adorable couple – the only other time I’d met him I was completely hungover and there was a mariachi band, so this was the first time that actually counted – and found out that he’s a catch (and told her such, so it’s really not awkward). 

Smart, charismatic, funny and kind, he easily worked the party they were hosting.  He mixed drinks, talked sports, intelligently argued his points during a particularly intense board game and all the while gazed adoringly at my lucky friend and touching her anytime he got the chance.  Swoon.

I don’t want him.  I want people to tell me MY boyfriend is a catch instead of asking behind my back (and sometimes to my face), “what is SHE doing with HIM?”

He’s now one of my guideposts.  Some of my guideposts (like him) are the good guys who renew my faith that they do indeed exist.  Others are men I connect with who remind me that chemistry and similar core values are important. 

I’ve run into a couple of these men in my time…brief romantic interests, coworkers who adore their wives, friends, friends of friends (and okay, friends of boyfriends) and one completely intriguing, but random Facebook flirtation, who was (and still is) unfortunately taken. 

If I’m wasting time and heartache over a man who’s not really worth it, I think back on my guideposts and remember they’re out there and, more importantly, that I won’t find the good guy who I connect with when someone else is parked in my boyfriend spot.

Dear Mini-Me

Reverb 10, Day 21 Future Self.
Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

Are you ready girl?  It’s going to be a big year.

Pursue everything you want with reckless abandon and continue to amaze yourself.

Put yourself out there – in romantic and platonic relationships, career-wise and with anything that makes you a little uncomfortable.  You can handle it.

Write, write, write.

Take care of yourself.  Working out makes you feel good physically and emotionally.

Floss and take your vitamins.  I know you hate this ritual, but we both know it’s best to keep it up.

Take it easy on the alcohol, chocolate chip cookies and french fries.  You feel and look better without this crap in your system.  And while we’re on it, you don’t need all those chemicals packaged nicely in a can labeled Diet Coke either.  Your ass, skin and digestive system will thank you if you focus on the good stuff this year.

Appreciate and take care of your family.  Be supportive and flexible when it comes to your sister’s wedding.   

I know you want to have a serious boyfriend to take to her wedding.  This may or may not happen (don’t want to ruin the surprise!) but you’ll have a great time either way surrounded by loved ones.  And if you followed my earlier advice, you’ll look fabulous!

Don’t waste more than one date on a bad prospect.  If he’s not the man who is sitting here with you in five years, move on.  He really is an amazing man (and sexy!) and he’s out there making his way to you. It’s never going to happen if you have someone else parked in your boyfriend spot. 

You’re abstaining right now and you should keep that up for as long as you want to.  When you decide you’re ready again, use condoms, girl.  I don’t care how pretty his face is, you don’t know where his shame shame has been.

Another reckless behavior you need to ktfo:  texting while driving.

Don’t forget to take some down time to rejuvenate your spirit.  Life only gets crazier as you get older.  Be selfish while you can.

PLEASE contribute to your retirement fund!

Oh, and 26 is not old and neither is 27.  They’re great ages and lady, you are like a fine wine.