Things with Yogi were going well, if becoming a little predictable. After the kiss when I jumped off the deep end, we saw each other often, slipping into a comfortable routine where I got off work as he was going to work, so I got a little down time and then he’d come over after work to hang out (he literally only works for two hours a day, which I kind of thought would bug me, but it’s an awesome job and he’s good and successful at it and does make decent money – and no, he’s not a stripper).
He came to me, he made me laugh, he liked my cooking, he didn’t mind my crazy dog and we could just be. It was nice.
Sex came up once and I brushed it off as too soon, so respectfully he just asked me to tell him when I was ready. I wondered if we were too comfortable and decided we needed to enjoy each other on a real date again before we got busy, then decided that I was really busy on my own and if there was a man I was attracted to who was making it fairly easy for me to get a little loving, that was okay, but we might as well still do the date thing, so on Friday I told him to come over after work and take me to dinner.
Don’t call me a whore, don’t say I’m banging for dinner. I didn’t need a fancy four-course meal, I just needed to go out. We actually ended up a sports bar watching his college’s basketball team’s season opener. It was nice to have him open my door in the rain (he really was raised right), place his hand on my back with an affectionate rub while we were watching the game and enjoy each other outside of the comfort bubble we were making at my house.
But, back to my house we went, make out we did and eventually I asked if he would wear a condom. (This IS a reasonable request, right?!)
But, said he’d try. WTF does that even mean?!
Four minutes later I realized WTF that even means.
Things got awkward. Not super awkward, he didn’t seem embarrassed or uncomfortable really, but he was definitely wondering how long he had to cuddle before leaving and right as I was about to call him on that, he said, “I’m going to go home now.”
When he left, I wasn’t sad, mad, upset, anything really, maybe just a little stumped.
I’ve had men tell me that basically they like to fuck on a first date to see if there’s sexual chemistry before wasting time or getting into anything “serious” which seems totally stupid, but indicative of what men deem a serious relationship v. what women deem a serious relationship. And now I kind of understand it. But, we had some steamy make out seshes and all systems were go before we attempted this so really, it just baffled me. I really liked him, but that was BAD and I just didn’t know that to do with it.
I sent him a text the next day to prove that things weren’t awkward. He responded and we went back and forth talking about our mornings. And I haven’t heard from him since 😦 Yes, it’s only three days and yes, it’s a two-way street, but I’m taking a stand on men who don’t treat me right and/or who display the classic signs of “he’s just not that into you.”
Anyway, I was really trying to take it one day at a time, but my brain jumps forward and I guess what I’m saying is that I still need to work on calming that down and take it for what it is to avoid this disappointment when those things don’t happen.
With that said, I’m off to a date with Yogi 2.0 (literally, they have the same name, talk about awkward) that I’m kinda excited about, but totally pretending I’m not.