I don’t remember what I was doing a year ago tomorrow, or two years ago yesterday, but because our culture tells us that TODAY is important, I remember what I was doing.
Two years ago, I went on a low-key date and the next day celebrated the Valentine’s Day holiday for real with a man who I thought was going to propose and the thought made me want to puke.
Last year, I went out with Rebel and we had a huge fight, which he thought was just another fight, but opened the door allowing me to fully pull off the band-aid of that relationship, leaving him a little stunned.
I went back and looked at my posts from last year at this time (totally a good reason in itself to keep up with blogging) and holy shit, I kind of treated poor Rebel like crap. He thought we were Facebook status-ready and I was dating whoever, whenever I wanted and actively trying to meet new guys!
We’ve been talking recently and I really feel bad for him because he tells me he misses me and other things that make me realize that “relationship” was so much bigger to him than it was to me and it’s such a reminder that I’ve been on that side of unbalanced relationships before , which on one hand makes me think I need to get over them, but on the other hand, I’m all about feeling my feelings and if that’s how I felt about them, that’s okay.
I am over those past relationships and I guess I’m just trying to figure out where my relationship with Lucky falls in the spectrum of balanced/unbalanced relationships. At different times, for different reasons, it feels like both.
When I think of these last two “boyfriends” I’ve spent VDay with, I remember that they were volatile relationships with real fighting. Lucky and I have had our ups and downs, but it’s never been because we don’t like each other or are mad at one another or someone has done something the other didn’t like. Our ups and downs are because we’re future-thinking and see trouble ahead because of family issues (well, he does anyway).
So, right now we’re up. Last week, what was, I suppose, meant to be a booty call turned into a talk…a good talk, a catch-up talk and then a talk about where we’ve been and where we’re going. We didn’t even get down and dirty at all. It was what we needed.
And now? We’re dating. We’re hanging out. We’re having fun. That was the essence that got us off to such a great start and we’re getting back to all of that.
And because we reconciled right before this cliché holiday, I’m kinda all about it. We’re low-keying it tonight and doing an official celebration next weekend.