Stop the texting madness!

I changed my number over the summer, which is nice because now a good number of men from my past can’t passively, randomly text me when they’re feeling lonely – I do feel bad for whoever got my old number though (I’ve had three people contact me through Facebook, Twitter and WWF to tell me they attempted to reach me at that number and got a “I don’t know you, stop texting me” message…and those are just the ones I’ve heard from)!

However, now that I’m online dating again, I feel like I might recreate that problem all over again, so I’m trying to not give out my number too much because I don’t want to endlessly text men I don’t know – which is what a lot of them seem to want to do!

How do you stop this?! This is what I mean by lonely, not like his penis is lonely, but like when he needs someone to chat over text with or something.

I actually met a man organically over the weekend – I was going to do a separate post, but I’ll just spill –

I was just talking with some girlfriends earlier in the weekend (including a new reader…hi, new reader!) about how to meet men and I said that guys don’t talk to me in public, which is true, I’m just unapproachable..I blame the chronic bitch face, but on Sunday I was kind of on the prowl. Straight hair (left over from a party the night before), a low-cut top, short shorts and tall wedges to hang out at not one, but TWO Starbucks and then the grocery store?! Yeah…so maybe my vibe was more welcoming than it usually is. This guy at the grocery store – so cliché! – teased me a little about how long I took to pick packaged salad and then made another comment…he was clearly just trying to talk to me, but I checked his hand and saw a ring, so kinda just walked away, but then as I wandered around, I wondered if I had misjudged what hand it was on and was going to find him and go with “sorry, I thought your ring was on your left hand, you can continue to hit on me” but we ran into each other again in the cheese/beer aisle and he struck up a convo on his own and I verified the ring was on the right hand and we chatted it up –

and he seemed normal, confident…asked me out and I thought we could be done with it until our date where we could get to know each other better, but he got home and started texting me, which is okay so then I have HIS number, but I didn’t need to text all evening or know what he was putting on his pizza. So, seriously, how do you stop this? I don’t want to be rude or have these guys think I’m not interested…although if they are the kind of people who endlessly text random info to strangers, perhaps I’m not interested!

[Today, he texted me a hey what’s up, but I kept it short, then just a bit ago, I got a “just finished a work out, my legs are so tired.” Not only do I not care, but it requires no response, so that’s what he got.]

Why don’t these men know to quit when they’re ahead?! Texting is totally killing romance and the excitement of meeting and getting to know someone new. I’m over it, but REALLY, how do you stop this?!

Also…since my hair was straight when we met, do I have to keep up the farce or just expose myself as a curly girl and get it out of the way?!

The Meet Market: Community Events

Phew.  That was close.  I know you were quite concerned that The Meet Market was coming to an abrupt halt.  The man who I thought I was pausing for didn’t quite work out, so as of April 8th, I was back on the prowl, probably with a little more gusto because I was burnt out on online dating and meeting a man organically is looking better by the day.

I picked April for community events because it’s prime time for them in Arizona.  The weather is (usually) beautiful and the weekends are packed with events.

I volunteered, I ate and drank, I ran and I watched recreational sports leagues.  All in large groups of strangers, many of them attractive men.

I was told I was smoking hot by drunk old men, but even that helps the swagga, right?  I flirted.  I learned that for flirting to turn into talking and connecting, you need to ask open-ended questions.  I got a phone number of a Jersey Shore wannabe.  I realized it’s hard to meet men when you’re with your mom. 

And finally, in accordance with my NEW new attitude about dating, I remembered how fun it is to get out and do things I enjoy with friends or family and enjoy the gorgeous spring weather.

Meet Market 4, MJ 0.  C’est le vie.

The Meet Market: Volunteering

Confession time.  The first time I donated blood I was terrified because my sister (who weighed all of 100 pounds soaking wet but had lied to qualify) passed out the first time she did it.  But, I had been super tired and wanted to see if I had an iron deficiency, so I walked onto one of those blood mobiles thinking I would get sent right off, told to eat spinach and red meat (not an option) and come back. 

I checked out okay, because you know, I HADN’T had sex in exchange for money or drugs and apparently didn’t have low iron levels.  Before I knew it, I had been poked (TWSS) and the blood was draining from my body. 

I struggled a little bit with the karma of doing something that was supposed to be altruistic with selfish motivations.  But, I guess I landed on:  People are naturally self-motivated creatures, but either way, the end result is the same.

Plus it wasn’t awful and I didn’t pass out.  After that first time, I actually started donating regularly because it’s a very small sacrifice of my time and comfort that can save lives.  And yeah, I’ve kinda turned into THAT girl who tries to recruit everyone to do the same.

With that all being said, a few opportunities arose this month, so I changed my original Meet Market schedule and used volunteering as a way to meet men.  For shame!  Of course it wasn’t the only reason I volunteered and – spoiler alert – the happy ending is that I enjoyed it and will continue to volunteer for a variety of reasons.

Donating Blood – I think this counts, but I’m telling you now it’s a horrible place to meet men.  As I said, I do this regularly and earlier this year started donating platelets, something you can do every seven days.  It’s a long and quasi-uncomfortable process, so I go about once a month. 

Basically I’m in the chair for two and a half hours.  Pro – a lot of people come through the donation area in that amount of time.  Con – they’re all old men.  What is it with young people today?

I have asked four men I’ve dated in the last year to donate blood with me (see? I told you I’m THAT girl) and they all give me the same, totally lame excuse.  They “don’t really like needles.”  No one LIKES needles, dude.  Now I think (A) you probably have some nasty STD, (B) you are a wuss and would probably throw up while hiking and/or (C) you hate humanity.

Maybe someday I will find my fresh and clean, manly man who has a heart of gold at the donation center, but it was not this month.

Charity race packet distribution – I like the idea of being involved in charity races, even if I don’t run them, so this month I found a race benefitting a great charity and signed up to hand out packets at the pre-race festival.  I saw a lot of people (and many cute, fit men) and talked to a lot of them, which is good flirting practice, but there were zero connections.

Culinary festival – This month I had the opportunity to volunteer at a culinary festival benefitting a local museum.  I was stationed at the entrance, taking tickets and handing out wine glasses that attendees would take around for samples.  Since I was at the front, I saw literally every person coming in and there were definitely a few cuties, but there were a lot of couples. 

Did I make any connections? No.  But again, good flirting practice! 

So, my mission for the year seems to not be working so well.  I’m using my opportunities to “practice” flirting, but I have no idea what I’m practicing for.  It’s game time NOW!  I guess I consider it “practice” if I flirt with guys I’m not interested in (it’s so much easier!) or, yes, women.  Flirting is all about flattery and engaging someone, which can be done with either gender, but again, flirting with women is easy because the stakes are low since I’m not interested.

I’m resting on my laurels, and by laurels, I mean my looks, assuming I’m so damn cute that men are just going to want to come up to me and talk to me, flirt with me and ask me out.  I think this because it’s happened all of twice in my life.  I’m going to go ahead and admit right now that those are not great odds.

I’ve read recently that men love when women come up and talk to them (makes sense because women – who are trying to date – usually feel the same).  Making a point to talk to at least one man every time I’m out is a lot easier said then done.  I’m still quite shy when it comes down to it.  I recently started hanging out with a great group of girls and many of them are willing and wonderful wingwomen so hopefully it will be easier.

[Insert sound of record scratching to a stop.]

I wrote all that earlier – all three took place before mid-month.  I have some more volunteer events coming up, but I was done for the month, so I wrote my assessment early.  And then…I met a man.  Like last week, so I’m not talking about it, but I’m pushing the pause button on the Meet Market initiative.

[Insert huge smile.]

The Meet Market: The Gym

In my quest to prove you CAN find a nice guy to date organically, I set out to meet a man at the gym this month.

I’ve had a crush on/flirted with/been asked out by/dated five gym staff members in my gym-going career. But since those men are paid to make me feel good about myself and flirt a bit to get the sale, I tried to focus this month on meeting other members.  Male members.  Wait, ew.  Well, I mean, maybe eventually, but, well, let’s just move on.

See, here’s the probelm…I was a member of a gym for approximately 18 days this month (my lawsuit-membership ran out early on and I did a five-day trial at another gym…yes, mostly for the purpose of extending the opportunity to meet a guy) and I went to a gym maybe six of those days.  Oops. 

I didn’t meet any men, I mostly just drooled over their muscles. 

Mistakes I made:

1.  Not going during peak times.  I am an early morning / early afternoon during the week type and early morning on the weekend type.  Hunky men are sleeping or working at those times.  I ended up working out with old people and housewives.

2.  Being the girl who doesn’t care what she looks like at the gym.  Like at all.  There’s a fine line and I realized one day while watching my form on some strength exercises that I was on the wrong side.

3.  Listening to my iPod.  I don’t like not having music!  I don’t want to listen to the gorilla juice heads grunting or the old men singing to THEIR music.

4.  Being unapproachable.  This is a compilation of the above AND the story of my life.

Mistakes I didn’t make:

1.  Thinking I can meet a suitable guy at the gym.  There are a lot of attractive men there and fitness is important to me, so if he’s there, I already know we have that in common.

2.  Forcing myself back to the big box gyms (instead of relying on my little gym at my apartment complex) because I remembered how much I love it and it helped me switch up my routine. 

So, yeah, no success this month, but I might join another gym and keep this as an option!  If nothing else, I’ll be cut!

The Meet Market: Bars

The idea of meeting people to date in bars is quite polarizing.  There are a lot of single people in a small place, but intentions and quality of those people are questionable.

I have met someone who became a boyfriend in a bar and know a handful of people who also have/have had successful relationships with someone they met in a bar, so it really shouldn’t be overlooked.

Attempting to meet someone in a bar this month was a little tricky because I came up with the plan not too long ago plus I have kinda cooled it on the drinking, well, since November, but more so since mid-month, pretty much becoming a teetotaler in the two weeks before my race.

But, I did make it to a few bars and did meet a guy, not much to report on him, but following is my checklist on meeting men in bars:

1.  Go to places that you like to go.  I’m not a club person and the men in clubs are not for me, so I stick to dives and sports bars.  Also, I’m no spring chicken anymore (future MJ will probably kill me for saying that), so to avoid looking around and realizing I’m the cougar at a bar, I have to be a little pickier about where I go.  I live right by a huge college town and like to go out there, but for men, I’ve found other areas that are better.

Maybe I'll meet my (non-cheating) Don Draper.

2.  Okay, this might be awful, but Rebel took me to a swanky resort lounge recently and it was crawling with age-appropriate business men.  Granted, they likely were not locals and I’m not looking for a long distance relationship with a traveling businessman who picks up women at hotel bars, BUT I think it’s good practice and probably would be a flirting confidence booster and I might go back sans date sometime.

3.  This is super cheesy, but I used to give myself a pep talk before I went into a bar.  Something along the lines of, “you’re cute and the men in here would be lucky to talk to you.”  Confidence is sexy and comes from within!  I try to send out a good vibe.

4.  Similarly, I used to go out with my roommate and if a guy didn’t talk to her within a few minutes of walking in, she’d get pissed off and she ended up giving off a very negative vibe and no one wanted to talk to her (or the unfortunate girls she was with – me!) all night.  She’d sit and play with her phone.  Ugh, it was awful.

5.  Move around.  I don’t like sitting at the same table or standing in the same spot all night.  I don’t order drinks from a server, I walk over to the bar by myself (being alone makes a woman much more approachable) and find a spot next to a cute guy to belly up.

6.  I’m not huge on approaching.  I have no good lines, so usually I just rely on placement + eye contact + smiling to get a guy to talk to me.  I have yet to find the happy medium between “hi/what’s up?” and “do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”

7.  Sad to say that Mystery is right, having an accessory as a conversation piece does make it easier to talk to a guy.  I probably wouldn’t talk to one wearing a large fuzzy hat and goggles, but I’d comment on a sports team shirt or something.  Same goes for women.  “I like your black tank top, jeans and sexy heels that are like every other woman’s here,” is not something you hear often, so I embrace my own style instead of trying to look like everyone else.

8.  The guy I met at the bar this month approached me when I was sitting at the bar by myself waiting for my friends to arrive.  It’s definitely hard to go to a bar by yourself, but knowing you have people meeting you later makes it easier.  I’m a late person, but I might consider changing that to scope out that scene, pick a good spot and maybe chat up a guy before my group arrives.

Overall, I’d give my experiences this month with meeting men in bars a D.  Not good, but like I said, the mission wasn’t given the full attention it deserved.  In general, I’d say meeting men in bars gets a B- and if it works out, it’s nice to be the exception to the “you can’t meet men in bars” rule!

Why the hell am I trying to meet a guy in a bar?  It’s part of my great dating challenge of 2011.  Check it out here. 

Have you met a man at a bar?  Do you have any tips for zeroing in on the good ones, approaching a man or being approachable in a nightlife environment?

The Meet Market

Last week, I wrote a guest post over at The Chick Lit Bee about how we single gals would meet men if we were, indeed, heroines of our own chick lit adventures.  They always seem to run into a handsome, charming and available stranger somewhere in their day-to-day.


Since I’m being quite the go-getter in 2011 AND because I love the idea of scoping out and flirting with attractive men and calling it research, I am going to explore one organic way to meet a man every month. 

Here’s my subject-to-change schedule:
January – Bar  
February – Gym
March – Driving Range
April – Community Events
May – Grocery Store
June – Sports Game
July –  Man Stores like Sports Authority, Home Depot and Apple
August – Vacation
September – Volunteering
October – Wedding(s)
November – Bookstore
December – Coffee Shop

So, how am I going to play this game?

Stake out these places.  Assess the attractive, single male situation.  Look damn good AND approachable.  If “approachable” is not working, approach (it is 2011 after all).  Flirt.

The ultimate goal is to actually have a date come out of these stake outs.  This isn’t just a social experiment to discover the best places (in the greater Phoenix-area anyway) to meet men, it’s also going to be a bit of a challenge for little, introverted me and great dating practice. (However, I’m a romantic at heart and if I meet someone potentially great, the game pauses indefinitely.)

Anybody else need to up their game and want to join me?  What places have you met men that I might have overlooked?