That’s my fun day, my I-don’t-have-to-run day

At my first job out of college, Monday nicities about “how was your weekend?” revealed that a coworker spent Sunday in bed.  This struck me as weird (so weird that six years later, it still sticks out). I guess I just didn’t understand why that would be enjoyable and, poor little sheltered me hadn’t yet experienced a relationship in which I would want to stay in bed all day with a certain someone.  This coworker was a quasi-newlywed and now that I think of it, pregnant shortly after this conversation took place.
I was maybe 22 at the time and just starting to figure out the whole “adult” thing and staying in bed all day just didn’t seem very “adult.” However, fast forward six years and while I still don’t fully get the adult thing, I’m doing better…I kept my house clean all weekend, shopped for grown up clothes, participated in FFF as necessary and then…I spent Sunday in bed.  And it was glorious.
Yes, I alluded the the fact that my coworker all those years ago might have been getting horizontally jiggy with it, but I assure you, I was not. I was alone. And it was still glorious.
I used to be very big on not wanting to be alone on Sundays, but yesterday it felt more like a choice. I wasn’t waiting around for a stupid boy to call, wondering if he’d find time for me. I was crocheting, snoozing, watching bad reality TV and snuggling with an empathetically lazy puppy dog.
It’s what I needed and I’m starting to realize that being an adult is about giving yourself what you need, not doing what others want you to do because it’s the “adult” thing.
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On This Lovely Friday

1.  I told my sister I didn’t choose to spend money on the Alaska cruise next year.  That phrase has become very empowering since I’ve learned it.  To me, it says, I’m not poor, don’t feel bad for me, I’m in charge of my money and make smart decisions that are right for me.  It was true, but it was a culmination of many reasons that made me not want to spend my money on it.  For as much as she was talking to me and checking in with me, that shut her up pretty quickly and validated my decision.

2.  My office holiday party (happy hour) is today.  I work in a small eight-person office that is a remote location of a huge corporate office in beautiful San Diego.  The SD office has a big party and monthly events like happy hours, bowling parties and running groups throughout the year.  I appreciate that the bossman here makes an effort to so similar things for us, but still feel a little left out!

3.  I’m going to try to look hot enough to get hit on by the older men that like to go to this particular bar, but not skanky enough so that my coworkers’ wives say nasty things about me.   

4.  Then I might go out for my girlfriend’s birthday.  Or if I have a glass of wine, I might go home and go to sleep at 8.

5.  Tomorrow it’s Christmas shopping or bust.  I have no gifts, no ideas and just about no holiday spirit, but I have a deadline, so I’m going to get it done if it kills me.  It’s years like this that make me think it’s kind of a stupid holiday when the meaning is forgotten and it becomes about forced gift giving and all.

6.  Sunday I’m going shopping for me!  I got a nice bonus from the nice SD office and am going to buy clothes like I haven’t bought clothes in a looong time, because I haven’t.

7. Lucky has a radar that flips on anytime I’m feeling mentally tough and ready to deal with the split.  I feel like Chelsea.  Or any of the Teen Moms really.  Sometimes I watch that show and thank goodness I’m not so young and stupid anymore, but sometimes I am so young and stupid.

8.  I have some mantras I’m repeating to myself about being better, deserving better, there being something and someone great and wonderful out there for me and they’re kind of working and I’m kind of taking him less seriously.  Eventually I’ll get to the point where I don’t respond to him right away if at all and then to the point where I run into him again and think, “seriously?!”

9.  On Facebook the other day, the married guy I dated early this summer changed his status to “married” to his wife again.  I actually just think it’s kind of funny.  He was very honest and upfront while we were going out that they had been separated for a while, but for money reasons were still living together and I really did get the vibe that she’d be cool if I ended up meeting her.  It didn’t feel shady at all, but still I had to give him a hard time for giving me bad dating karma, but he says I gave it to myself for dumping him (I met Lucky) and that they WERE ON A BREAK.  And we’re going to take our dogs on a doggie date. Happy endings for everyone.

10.  In the world of entertainment, I watched One Day and The Change-Up this week.  I liked One Day the book better.  I think it had to do with Annie’s accent.  I liked The Change-Up and found myself googling what it is that Leslie Mann and Olivia Wilde do for exercise because they both look hot!  Leslie remains a mystery, but Olivia is all over the board with running, spinning, yoga, has hit the weights for roles, but in general walks with her dogs.  NYK.

The End of the Week Brain Dump

I want chocolate in my office, but then I remember there’s a reason I don’t keep chocolate in my office. It’s a vicious cycle. Thank goodness there’s no vending machine around.

I thought about cancelling my internet.  I usually hate the advice that always tells people to cut the little expenses, but I already don’t have cable and buy coffee from a shop maybe once a month (and just found an awesome place that sells it for $0.50 hot or cold with free refills). But when I saw the $35 charge for internet come through this month, I considered cutting that out. My complex offers free wireless if I take my computer near the community center (and if I take it IN the community center, I would also get cable) plus I’d be less pulled into the computer…more about being social than interacting on social media, maybe get some writing done instead of jumping on the internet…but (sad realization now) without the internet, I couldn’t justify no cable because I always say I don’t need cable because I can watch my shows online. #singlewhitegirlproblems

If the advice in the book I picked up at the library yesterday, “Stop Getting Dumped” pans out (shutupdontjudgeme…review coming soon!), the author says I’m getting married in under three years, which seems like a long time, but it’s a lot more realistic than the books that claim they’ll get you to the chapel in 90 days.  If I’m married in under three years, I’m married before I turn 30.  Barely.  I’m going to be 30.  Fuck.  And I’m going to be 27 next week.  Fuck. 

It’s really not all about getting married or a timeline. 

I’m not entirely sure I was dumped.  Currently it feels like a hiccup and I think Lucky and I will work it out.  I think the book will teach me to behave more sensibly and teach me how to rein him in to behave sensibly so we can get back to growing a good relationship and we’ll see where it goes from there.

My proud, inner-eight-year-old-gymnast needs to CTFD in yoga because I REALLY didn’t need to take on the challenge of a minute in wheel when the instructor asked for any kind of back bend.  She suggested making it the hardest thing I did all day…accomplished and now I’m paying for it!

Online shopping for business attire totally qualifies as work-related and -appropriate activity.  I’ve been in the corporate world for five years without any real need for professional clothes, but am attending a two-day conference as a presenter next month so definitely need to step it up.  I think I’d be most comfortable in an easy dress, so now I’m on the hunt.  Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Things I don’t want to spend money on in the next few weeks (but have to anyway):  professional clothes; my car registration; nude shoes for my sister’s wedding (there was a whole shoe trying on party to determine what color is best with the dress and she’s drilling in that we should get wedges because it’s on grass – there are no appropriate nude wedges); the second half of the dress for the other wedding; there’s more, but we’ll just say, “anything wedding-related.” 

Things I wouldn’t mind spending money on, but don’t really have the money to do so:  dresses…I had a dream last night that my closet was filled with pretty, pretty dresses; girlfriends brunch on Sunday; workout clothes…I’m still wearing workout clothes from college days and considering how much I work out, that’s redic; massages, facials and pedicures, oh my; an extra day in San Diego when I’m there for work.

My coping mechanisms seemed to have improved.  I took my stress to the gym this week.  But I say seemed because yesterday I took it to the gym, but then took it from the gym to the grocery store for brie and chocolate.

My pattern of good, recent weight loss was no match for the brie night.  The chocolate is surprisingly still unopened, but I think I’m making something from CCK’s single serving archives tonight. 

It was cloudy and hot and gross out when I went to work at 6:30 this morning.  I love me some monsoons, but I have pool lounging plans this afternoon and they better not be ruined.

I work in the financial industry (but I’m not a financial smarty-pants or anything) and am not a fan of the special reports and all the buzz about the market.  As a wannabe home buyer, though, who can’t really afford anything good right now, I’m okay with it.  Although, I guess if I lost my job, I wouldn’t be able to afford anything even if the prices fell more.   Another vicious cycle.

I’m not a fan of being the only female in my office.  I just had a meeting during which the men were screaming over each other and when I found an in, I started to say something and was ignored and interrupted – twice. 

Thank goodness it’s the weekend!

In Mixed Company

Never believe someone named Dusty who you’ve known for all of 18 hours when he tells you that he’s got the perfect guy for you.  You know who will show up?  A short, skinny pothead with a fauxhawk. No thanks, Dusty.

In other news, couples are taking over the world.  My high school friends all got significant others when I moved back to Arizona (thinking we would all still hang out like the old days) and then fell off the face of the earth. 

So I got new friends.  Through Meetup, I found a group of women, many of whom have boyfriends or even are married, but still make an effort to make and spend time with girlfriends.  That’s pretty awesome if you ask me. 

I don’t want to give up myself, my interests and my own friends when a cute guy winks at me (I can admit I have been guilty of that in the past), so I took these women as proof that, with some concerted effort, having friends AND a boyfriend is totally possible.

However, this weekend, the men were in tow and things changed.  Being the single one around a bunch of couples is just about as awesome as just not being included in the first place.  Except you’re not at home in your PJs watching Hulu, so really, it’s not as awesome at all.

Really though, I had a great weekend.  It felt indulgently long.  There was music, dancing and red wine.  Warm fuzzies from volunteering, warm sun and a cool pool (and a deliciously early bed time).  A long run, couch time + movies and forced family fun, which was pretty darn fun.

It’s just that mixed in there was watching PDA from an uncomfortably close vantage point, which is whatever, but also confusion and hurt feelings over the way a girlfriend acted.  It hurt more when she recognized it, apologized for it, but then did it again. I knew she had jealousy and trust issues, but I never thought they would be directed at me.  Yes, I’m awesome, but I’m a good friend and deserve that in return.

*Disclaimer:  There was no dancing with this friend’s boyfriend, I just thought this picture was funny.

Today I Wanted To…

…lay in bed and read all day, which I did a sufficient amount of with other productive things mixed in.

This kid is way smarter than me. He can read in SPANISH!

…wear my Steelers gear everywhere I went. 

…have a last-minute game night.  But, my friend is last-minute celebrating her birthday at a casino, which will also be lots of fun.

…run, even though I was supposed to be breaking from it, so I snuck in 4.5 easy miles.

…apply to live in the Big Brother house next summer.  So I did.

…daydream about living abroad.  So I looked for jobs.

…NOT have forced awkward conversation with a stranger.  But, I signed up for online dating, so I suffered through one more.

…take a nap.  I was exhausted, but for the life of me I couldn’t.

These babies didn't even help!

…figure out how to escalate from “friend of a friend” to “romantic interest” with a cute guy.  Step one – Facebook friending.  Check.  Step two – no idea.

A Funky Sunday

I was in a funk today. 

The plan was to help out at the big Phoenix/Tempe Rock N’ Roll marathon.  I chose not to run in it because it’s a huge corporate event and registration was expensive, but there’s no true charity partner to benefit from ALL that money they’re bringing in.  After I signed up, I was like, “wait, WHY am I volunteering for them?” 

Despite that, I was looking forward to being part of the experience, but silly me, I was so excited to have tomorrow off that I turned my alarm from “Weekdays Only” to “Off,” and when I set it for today, I didn’t turn it “On.”  Oops.  I slept in all the way until 9, way past the start time!

So that fail set up the rest of the day and I just didn’t know what to do with myself.  I recently discovered ALL the awesomeness of Hulu, so that took up some time.  I had to run out for my caffeine hit.  I ate some leftover pizza.  I baked cookies I didn’t want.  I finally watched Easy A, which was just the kind of teen comedy that has been missing in my life!  Mostly I bounced around my bitty 700 square feet apartment trying to figure out why I couldn’t figure out today.

Then I kinda forced myself out of the funk.  I changed into my gym clothes and cleaned up before my 5:00 date with Jersey Shore and the treadmill and rocked out seven miles instead of my planned six, partly due to the cute guy who got on the machine next to me at my mile five.  I pretended for a bit that I had a fit boyfriend and we like to go to the gym together (my favorite boyfriend ever told me he thought going to the gym together was lame, what’s THAT about?) and I mentally added “will workout with me” to THE list.

My cabin fever has reached its pinnacle, so I sought out plans with a few friends, which I really don’t do that often, I’m usually more of a tagalong and now I’m heading out for that!  Hopefully it’s just the cure for my funky day and if not, I have tomorrow, Sunday 2.0, off to try again!