Pieces of You

My high school boyfriend was smart and funny. I dated him for four years because we were a good personality match and those qualities have topped The List ever since.

We broke up and in college, a big guy swept me off my feet at a bar.  The way he made me feel so petite and cute when he wrapped me in his arms was TDF.

He moved away and my post-college roommate’s preference for tall guys rubbed off on me (chalk it up to female competition) and I kept my eyes out for the big and tall variety. 

[This also all has to do with never wanting to outweigh my partner, so dating big and tall ensures that even when pregnant – assuming that’s the time in my life I’ll be the heaviest – I likely will not weigh more than him.]

Then I dated a funny, smart, bigger, tallish basketball coach and even though he was super busy, his passion for the sport and his athletes (high schoolers) was sexy, so I added coach to the list but then decided it was slight overkill, so I adapted it to “must be passionate…and athletic…and with a heart of gold that means he may one day coach our kiddos’ sports teams.”

 The coach was older by five years, so the next one, naturally was 11 years older.  And tall and not big-fat as a few of the previous ones had been, more big-muscular. Older is nice and I have a huge aversion to younger guys, but I am getting better at being open to it because age means nothing when it comes to maturity, which is the important part – add it to The List!

The old man boyfriend and the next one (smart, funny, big and tall, mature sometimes and by sometimes I mean mostly just on paper) helped me decide that adventurous and skilled in the sack were musts for The List as well.  That’s a given, though, right?

I’m not getting any younger and I know my dating pool is getting smaller and smaller, but with every guy I date, The List gets more and more selective. This is not looking promising. 

And NOW we’re adding a Southern accent to the list.  I need a man who drawls when he talks to me!  I only notice it occasionally, but it’s so stinkin’ adorable. 

And he hits all the other qualifications (well, he’s not big, and I’m still guessing on one because he respects himself and me and values sex enough to take it slow, but his kisses let me know it’s going to be well worth the wait) plus he’s handy around the house and can cook (traits that are on the list, I think from the whole “all women end up marrying someone like their dad” thing). 

Maybe there’s something to be said about knowing what you like and going for it!

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Dating Down?

Please excuse me while I talk about how gorgeous I am (even more so than I would normally).

On my way to work this morning I caught the DJs talking about a recent study saying that relationships in which the woman is more attractive than the man are “doomed.”

My first reaction was, no, that’s not true.  Relationships, for women, are emotional and if they found the man they trust and love, they will stick with him, regardless of whether she could “do better.” Once pictures of me and Rebel hit Facebook, I heard from a college girlfriend who told me I could do better, but I explained to her that he was nice to me and I enjoyed his company.

I started thinking about some of the things I’ve heard from men I’ve dated recently.  TGISWOTSD told me I’d end up with someone better looking than him.  Mr. No Name asked me if I had low self-esteem because of what I had told him was my type – tall, bigger, “husky” even, a little rough around the edges.  I love me a manly man. 

More Marshall than Barney...not that I would complain if I were Lily right there!

I got closure on my last serious relationship when I remembered something he had said to me early on.  He told me that I could go out any night of the week and find a man to go home with.  I was really attracted to that boyfriend and completely enchanted during our high highs (being two Leos meant we also had low lows) and going out to find someone else to sleep with was nowhere on my mind. 

I thought it was just a nice way of him saying he thought I was hot and he felt lucky to be with me.  After a lot of jealous fights and breakups, I realized that’s not what he meant.  He meant he actually thought I WOULD do that.  That insecurity was his problem, not mine, so I realized I couldn’t have done anything else about it.

But, when I started to think about that side of aesthetically unbalanced relationships, I can see where the study makes sense.  With two emotionally healthy individuals, I don’t think an imbalance would make a difference, but if insecurity comes into play, perhaps doomed is accurate.

Either way, since my friend’s comment about Rebel, I’m making a point to go after men who are more on my level, which is especially easy at the buffet that is online dating.  I’ve done the “personality cute” guys, now it’s time to step it up to “I want to bang them 24/7” guys.

Half of a Whole

February is an interesting month.  Valentine’s Day is next week.  I’m not totally lamenting this.  I’m actually planning a fun night – not a date night and not an anti-Valentine’s night – just a fun night with myself! 

For me, the beginning of February also brings the birthdays of THREE of my exes.  Being the emotionally healthy, peaceful and totally not bitter ex that I am, I lovingly wished them all happy birthdays.

Today is the last one, so I’m sure they are all falling off the planet as I type. 

This February also happens to fall during a slump.  In the past few months, I’ve mostly just had a string of unimpressive dates.  First dates just start to suck after a while.

The wonderful times I used to spend with men I actually liked have been swimming through my head lately.  I thought that I was missing my exes, but I’m missing being in a relationship.  Instead of contacting those exes who I don’t really miss at all, I made a list of the things I miss doing with them and added willingness to participate in these activities with me to THE LIST.

Dates like the perfect Saturday night I described in this week’s WWW – a slow progressive dinner…drinks at a bar, shared appetizers at a restaurant, a bottle of wine at a lounge and a stop for a sweet treat to enjoy in bed.  I miss having a man who spoils me and has an appreciation for the finer things.

Dates that last for hours but seem to fly by because of who I’m with.  My meet-and-greets have been quite the opposite.

Falling asleep and waking up with someone I’m comfortable enough to sleep with and who understands my old lady bed times.

Waking up and going to the gym with someone every morning at 5:30, even if he bitches the whole time.

Of course I miss sex!  But good sex, with meaning behind it, with someone whose touch is just right, is worth the wait.  Sex.

Genuinely laughing, not the fake laughs I give out on bad first dates.

Having a couple’s TV show and weekly date to watch it.

Being totally guards down with somebody and still feeling safe.

Planning and going on vacations together.

Scheduling weekends and divvying up time with my friends and his friends, my family and his family.

Popcorn and wine dinner nights (yes, this sounds like a single girl thing, but it’s kinda awesome with a guy).

Scrabble-a-thons.

Thinking of random, fun things I want to do – day trips, community events, new restaurants – and having someone I can force to do them with me!

Sharing food.  I like compromising on a few menu items and sharing them. 

Cheersing!  I really like this.  It’s like saying there’s a reason to celebrate every day.  I judge my dates if they don’t cheers me.  This might be why the majority of them don’t get to date #2.  And why I’m still single.

If you’re in a relationship, treasure the little things.  And make sure you’re with someone you want to treasure the little things with!  The wrong men brought these relationship ideals and traditions into my life and when I find the right man to enjoy them with, I will treasure them even more!

A Funky Sunday

I was in a funk today. 

The plan was to help out at the big Phoenix/Tempe Rock N’ Roll marathon.  I chose not to run in it because it’s a huge corporate event and registration was expensive, but there’s no true charity partner to benefit from ALL that money they’re bringing in.  After I signed up, I was like, “wait, WHY am I volunteering for them?” 

Despite that, I was looking forward to being part of the experience, but silly me, I was so excited to have tomorrow off that I turned my alarm from “Weekdays Only” to “Off,” and when I set it for today, I didn’t turn it “On.”  Oops.  I slept in all the way until 9, way past the start time!

So that fail set up the rest of the day and I just didn’t know what to do with myself.  I recently discovered ALL the awesomeness of Hulu, so that took up some time.  I had to run out for my caffeine hit.  I ate some leftover pizza.  I baked cookies I didn’t want.  I finally watched Easy A, which was just the kind of teen comedy that has been missing in my life!  Mostly I bounced around my bitty 700 square feet apartment trying to figure out why I couldn’t figure out today.

Then I kinda forced myself out of the funk.  I changed into my gym clothes and cleaned up before my 5:00 date with Jersey Shore and the treadmill and rocked out seven miles instead of my planned six, partly due to the cute guy who got on the machine next to me at my mile five.  I pretended for a bit that I had a fit boyfriend and we like to go to the gym together (my favorite boyfriend ever told me he thought going to the gym together was lame, what’s THAT about?) and I mentally added “will workout with me” to THE list.

My cabin fever has reached its pinnacle, so I sought out plans with a few friends, which I really don’t do that often, I’m usually more of a tagalong and now I’m heading out for that!  Hopefully it’s just the cure for my funky day and if not, I have tomorrow, Sunday 2.0, off to try again!

The Off(ish) Week(ish)

So what did I do while on my technology sabbatical?

1.  I sucked at taking a technology sabbatical, but each day got better (until I gave up altogether and ended it early) and I think it will be easier to lessen my use day-to-day now. And I know better what it will take to truly take an unplug week when I’m ready to try again.

2.  I totally drained my legs with the 12-miler on Saturday + a 6-miler on Sunday so switched around my training for the rest of the week (keeping the distances and runs, just exchanging rest days) and rocked out my peak week of training.

3.  I fell in love with my Garmin Forerunner 305.

4.  I had my first fight with Rebel.  Catalyst: Me still holding out (actually, for him I do believe it was about sex, for me, I was attempting a DTR talk because sex and the R – relationship – go together).  I learned that he’s a horrible fighter.  He wasn’t much for listening to or attempting to understand what I was saying and super-awkwardly left before any real discussion could be had.  Outcome:  Validation of my decision.   

5.  I realized there’s a difference between someone with whom you want to hang out and someone with whom you want to combine lives, which I guess I knew, but again…validation.

6.  Had another date with Mr. No Name on which he was determined to prove he wasn’t conservative and could be more than a friend.  Fail, first of all, but then he got post-date balls.  Via text he was all, “damn we should still be hanging out,” and I was all, “well then you should have stumbled your way through some kind of awkward invite to a phase two because now it’s too late and I’m on my couch in my ugly single-lady PJs and my tummy is happily full of sushi and vodka I didn’t have to pay for.”

7.  I had another first date with another POF guy. I found out that someone who has “non-douche” as their headline IS, in fact, a douche, but of a weird variety.  I deleted the last batch of “[insert rando’s name] pof”s from my phone because the ratio of guys who do online dating because they are socially retarded to guys who do online dating because they are normal, but busy/new to the area is about 5:1 (from my research) and that’s just a numbers game I’m sick of playing. 

8.  I heard from TGISWOTSD again.  Re:  hot dogs.  Again.  His interests seemed much more diverse when we were dating, I swear.  Again, maybe he’s testing the waters of friendship, but seeing his email addy, my heart flutters and wonders if he misses me and realizes we were great and it’s worth an actual try.  Ugh.

9.  I packed my fridge and pantry with real food so my apartment no longer looks like a bachelor lives there.  And yes, this is packed for a single girl.  I spent way too much time thinking about how to use it all!

10.  I totally blew my food budget (but that’s why I built in flexibility elsewhere).

11.  I ate well. (This is homemade pizza amazingness, part 2!)

12.  I accepted that I will never be a photog or foodie blogger (but I started a wellness blog that will have a food aspect)!

13.  I added some big dreams to my bucket list because I’ve really seen the power of writing down and going after some of the things I want recently and I’m in a big WHY NOT mood.

14.  I actually wrote down THE list (of traits I’m looking for in a man).  Again, why not?

15.  I went out on a school night.  As in like, don’t even start getting ready until 9 kind of out.  It was a friend’s last night in town and I’m glad I did, but I’m paying for it today!