All Those Dates

The 34-year-old marrying kind

This guy interrogated me. I felt like I was being screened for the position of wifey – did I live close by to have a convenient relationship, did our work schedules and sleep schedules mostly match, did we like the same foods, how many kids did I want. This was all via text btw. Heaven forbid we waste our time having a beer if I wasn’t willing to split Thanksgiving and Christmas between out two families. Okay, he didn’t ask that, but he may have eventually and it would have been too soon!

The 33-year old professional golfer

Despite having hair, he told me to look for the bald guy – hardy har har. He could have just told me to look for the guy with the awesome sock tan. It wasn’t bad, wasn’t good, wasn’t much of anything. He was too meek for my tastes.

The 22-year old baby manager

Yes, after our kiss in the rain, he hung around for a while. I decided it could just be fun, but he made it decidedly unfun. He wanted to date, but didn’t want to TALK to me and wasn’t very giving if you know what I mean. Ultimately, he broke up with me via text because he kept inviting me out with him and his friend, so I became friends with him and went to lunch with him because he works up by me. I actually think it’s a pretty funny story.

The 38-year-old bald westsider

I know. I know. In my last post I discussed how being from the westside is a flag in and of itself. Something about this guy’s smile reminded me of an ex, so I went for it. He was 25 minutes late. It was a totally dead restaurant and I was sitting at the bar, so I had to wait for the bartender to walk to the other side so I didn’t feel as lame and left at 20, then got a text while I was driving away that he “got there early and to look for the guy that’s 300 pounds.” First of all, making a cliché joke about online dating is lame, but for some reason popular with these guys, second of all, he was so late, but given that it apparently was a misunderstanding – he had set the time a week in advance and in confirming the date that day, neither of us confirmed the time – I turned back. Before I could give him shit for being late, he apologized, saying he thought the restaurant he picked was more expensive, which is kind of a lame excuse since there are ways to check on that if it was important to him and it wasn’t important to me. He then said we should have gone to a place two doors down, that yes, was more expensive, but that he wasn’t dressed for and he didn’t actually mean it because we stayed there. And THEN I got to tell him about his massive failure. His profile was a little misleading and the convo wasn’t all that great…I felt like I was being interrogated and he badmouthed Arizona and Scottsdale (pet peeve) and criticized my yoga approach even though he’s never done it. The date wasn’t bad enough to walk out on and I don’t have the balls to just call it an early night, so I put up with it and then he hugged me, asked me out again (wtf do you say?) then hugged me again and kissed my cheek and I was free. Fortunately the next day, he acknowledged he put me on the spot and did I actually want to go out again? So I said no.

But he’s SO cute.

I love HIMYM because it’s real and I can always relate it to my life. There’s an episode in which Barney describes the hot-crazy scale. A woman can be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. The first time I saw the episode, I wondered where I fell on the scale (I can admit I’m a little quirky), but now I realize it’s not just for chicks.

Last week, I signed up for Plenty of Fish (I know you see where this is going…this is obviously where all the crazies hang out). I was immediately over- and underwhelmed all at the same time, but I decided to actually give it a shot – a week – before bailing. Countless “hey” messages, too many emails from the westside and an unfortunate number of messages from younger guys filled up my inbox. Being on that site, the options are endless, so why would I waste time with a too-young guy who can’t write a decent message and lives an hour away? Delete, delete, delete.

I did manage to find a few decent guys, including one we’ll call Matt. Matt is mid-30s, a fit 6’3″ and if everyone supposedly looks like a celeb, he looks like Matt Damon (thus his super creative fake name). He works as a firefighter, but has a graduate degree and wrote a thoughtful first message. He seemed top-shelf for the site and I actually considered he was fake until he started bugging me to hang out. Not asking – bugging.

It came off as truly whiny and he was bugging me about it without actually asking me out for a specific day or time or activity – you know…like how NORMAL people make plans! I wanted to meet him, but I wasn’t going to cancel existing plans to do so and I wasn’t going to just stop by his work as he suggested because I’m not in high school. He told me I didn’t seem interested in meeting or learning about him. Womp, womp, womp.

Were we having out first fight?! Before we even met?!

So I had to have a CTJ with him about how dating works. He admittedly was a relationship guy and didn’t like dating. Ahem, because he’s BAD at it. Now, obviously I’m not the authority on the subject, but I know what works for me and generally I’ve found it vibes with most men as well. If there’s a spark, the guidelines all go out the window anyway and it just feels right and you don’t worry about it. It was not vibing with Matt.

He calmed down a bit, but still kept pushing, even on Saturday morning when we were meeting at 11. He sent me a text at 9:15 to ask if I could do earlier. Keep in mind, we had connected online I think on Wednesday and exchanged numbers on Thursday.

I told him I was starting a yoga class that got over at 10:45 and that’s when I’d be at the Starbucks across the street to meet him. So, yeah, that’s how excited I was about meeting this guy – I slid him in after a yoga class when I’d be sweaty and maybe a little stinky at the coffee shop I’d probably stop at on my way home anyway. He took note, but I don’t think he was all that offended.

Matt walked in a minute or so after me and looked just like his pictures – super cute, tall, solidly built. We got coffee, we grabbed a table outside, we had a conversation. Actually for about an hour and a half.

It was a normal date, but besides his super-quiet talking, something else was just a little off. Some of his conversation topics (past relationships), his future planning (I think he may have asked me to go with him to Oregon to his mom’s for Christmas?)…they just weren’t working. He was definitely trying to qualify me for this girlfriend position he apparently has open and I think he tried to have a CTJ with me about how I need to step it up and show interest.

I think I was distracted at the time – his eyes were beautiful, he had spectacular teeth and his shirt was just the right amount of tight – but I left feeling neither good nor bad about it. He bugged me to see each other again, but again without actually attempting to make plans. I again offered two days, he picked one.

On Tuesday, I realized we had talked over the weekend, but not on Monday and about that time got a “good morning, hope you have a good day” text from Matt. I responded with a “Thanks! You too!” And got an “okay, stranger.”

That was when I had to pull the trigger. I actually thought back and forth for a while, “he’s so cute…but he’s so weird…but he’s so cute, maybe he’s just awkward at first.” Ultimately I couldn’t get past it. I texted back to let him know while I appreciate his physical beauty and that we have things in common, we should skip Thursday because it wasn’t going to work out. He texted: “Agreed.”

Done and done.

I understand where he was coming from with his whining (although I obviously did not agree with his delivery)…he wanted to gauge chemistry and meet up and have me show interest, but you can’t force any of that and I really feel like he was trying to because we have similar interests and live somewhat close together and I think he liked my work schedule. Convenience does not a relationship make. And apparently neither does a guy just being really pretty to look at. It might have developed, but he didn’t give it any room to breathe, which is pretty much a flashing red flag that it is not going to work! He apparently saw it too, so why was he pushing it?!

Poor, Poor Pitiful Me

Okay, out with it…I’ve had nine dates with six men in the past eight days.  And what has it gotten me?  Too much food, too much wine and three men who may or may not think we have plans tonight.  All I want to do is go to a yoga class, come home to put on stretchy pants, bake, do laundry and watch Hulu.  

I’ve still fit in all my workouts, seen my fam and slept a good amount, but I’m so burnt out on the whole thing.  And okay, maybe developing a little guilt.

Five of the men I met online, so they have to assume I’m dating other people, at least at this stage, but even I can admit it’s a little extreme.  It’s one thing to have coffee with a man on a Saturday afternoon and then meet up with someone at a wine bar later in the week after he returns from a business trip, but it’s another thing to pack dates in between them like sardines. 

However, I’m not doing it just to do it and tick off my numbers (last night was #10 BTW…getting scary close), these are all men who I was genuinely intrigued by and interested in after connecting on Match, which leads to another point…

I’m getting good at this.  None of the five guys was a walking red flag.  Those are not odds I’m used to.  Usually I’d end up with a least one disaster, but they were all nice, made me laugh and I had a good time with them. 

One came off as a bit of a music snob and talked over me a few times, another was a bit too “Scottsdale” for my tastes (while claiming to not be “Scottsdale”).  One had shaved legs and wore Vibrams on our date.  It was a little strange, but kind of awesome because he’s a pretty serious triathlete.  And last night I cringed a bit when my date asked to see the wine list for a second glass, but it was less about getting away from him and more about just getting in my PJs.  Not one had me considering ditching him via the bathroom.

That being said, four of them are not getting second dates.  It’s all about the intangible and the 4:1 ratio there is much more what I’m used to.

The sixth is a Rebel 2.0 (he’s nice and fun and not for me, but likes me and I was hurt by Non-Mush, so the cycle continues).  We’ve been out a handful of times, but I think it’s time to come clean.

Rebel 2.0 was one of the guys I made tentative plans with tonight, but since starting this, he got the “I’m super burnt out, let’s rain check” excuse.  So much for coming clean.  I’m bad at this.  No Name got the “you’re too busy and I’ve met someone who’s not” line because I can be honest with him like that and it’s a dance we’ve done a few times now. 

As for the “someone who’s not,” he’s the third for tonight, and the one I’d most like to see if I wanted to see anyone besides Erica and Dr. Tom.  We’re spending a good chunk of the weekend together anyway so I think he’ll understand.

Frog #4 Redo

Remember the guy who came to the pool after I’d had a few too many and how we planned to go out this week to actually have a date?

I really wanted to like him.  He looked like Prince Charming.  He looked a little like TGISWOTSD.  I might have issues.  My friend called me later that night while she was out and perhaps a little drunk (again) and asked me what happened to him and told me he was fat, which, yeah, maybe, but I kinda like that.  Big, I call it, remember? He has a good job, he’s smart, he’s older, he’s easy going, he’s funny and he’s romantic (okay, maybe I’m assuming that based on the Prince Charming thing, but a girl woman can hope).

Anyway, totally wanted to like him, so even though I felt so over dating, I was excited for the date.  Until he texted me three hours before.   

Because I had wrecked our first planned date, I was okay being flexible, but now we’re even.  Let’s face it, this guy got a decent deal at the pool anyway – he didn’t have to pay for any of my drinks, he saw me seven-eighths of the way naked and he copped a bit of a feel.

He had to cover a meeting for his boss and could we reschedule for Thursday? 

No, I’m an honorary Mexican and will be celebrating Cinco de Mayo. 

(Okay, this was NOT true when I told him that, but I LOVE Cinco de Mayo and would much rather spend it with friends than on a first date.  Who even goes on a first date – presumably to a bar or lounge – on a major drinking holiday anyway?  I knew something would come up so I left tonight open and am currently on my way out the door to revel with some ladies for at least a little bit!)

Friday?  Another pool day on Saturday?  No, seeing a band on Friday and I already have a pool party that you’re not invited to (I didn’t say that, but I don’t intend to invite him to another pool day) on Saturday.

Just because I’m flexible doesn’t mean I’m readily available.

Okay, well the meeting will get over at like eight and it’s up in my area anyway, could he call me and we could meet up then?

Instead of the date, I was going to the gym after work and meeting up after that meant two showers.  I don’t like getting ready twice in one day so I had to seriously contemplate this.  Water, environment, lazy, my poor hair, my diminishing supply of $1.99 huge bottle of L.A. Looks hair gel (seriously it is the best shit out there for these curls). 

But, he looks like Prince Charming and I’d already kinda met him and he wasn’t awful.

The law is, however, if I don’t get ready, assuming he won’t call (wow, I have such faith in men), he will and if I do get ready thinking he’ll call, he won’t.  This actually is the case with friends too.

I got ready, he didn’t call. EVERY time I’m right! I gave him a window before crashing early and assumed I might have a text when I woke up.  Nada.

The next day?  Nada.

Today?  A just about first thing in the morning “Happy Cinco” text.

Sorry, dude, that’s just unoriginal.  I’ve dated you before.  You know, the guy who blows you off and then disappears until he thinks you’ve forgotten about it and reappears without any mention of it? 

It worked for the last guy, but I was 23 and I’ve since learned my lesson.  You, my supposed Prince Charming, are a frog.  Thank you for validating my decision to call off the mission.

Bachelors #4 and #5

Yep, we’re stacking them in. Well, WERE.

I had a date with Bach #4 on Saturday at 4:30.  At 4:15 I was drunk at the pool with girlfriends.  They very politely sent him a text to tell him I was snowed in and not going to make it, but then invited him to the pool.  Because everyone wants to meet a potential for the first time whilst in her bikini.

I remember him getting there, he chatted it up with the other guy at the pool, he was a little too touchy-feely and then my friend called me a cab and sent me home.  Poor Bach #4. 

We set up a date for later this week so I can actually assess the situation while sober.

Bach #5 was another one I let slide when Non-Mush was happening.  We had never met up, but I had enjoyed our convos up until then and he seemed to have a good sense of humor.  We set up a patio sitting date for Sunday afternoon and he picked the place – a few miles from his house.  And the patio actually sucked.  And so did the coffee.

I called him once I got in my car to tell him that my GPS told me it was going to take FORTY-THREE minutes to get there so I was gonna be a little late.  He didn’t pick up on my emphasis that it was going to take me FORTY-THREE minutes to meet this kid for stinking coffee. 

That plus my hangover and by the time I got there I was already checked out.  We talked, it wasn’t horrible, but there was a bit of dead air and staring.  Then he would tell me I was pretty and he was having a good time. 

Even though it had taken me FORTY-THREE minutes to get there, I was ready to leave.  I like short dates, but he was content to stare at a stranger all day.  Two hours later, we finally left. 

He asked me out again and I said yes and that maybe he could come to my hood next time and let him know that was bad first date etiquette.  After writing this I’m not too sure why I said yes.

This was the date when I realized it’s just not fun anymore.  I want to be nervous and excited for dates, not filled with dread and view them as a waste of time.  I’m being super nitpicky and not even giving these poor guys a chance.

So, I have a few more I’m talking to.  If I decide I WANT to go out with them I’ll go, if I decide I’m just using them as means to an end, I won’t waste either of our time. 

I’m going to have a beautiful summer and if there are men in it, cool, if not, cool.  I have much better things to do with my time!

Frog #3

Not bachelor…full on frog.

It started with a phone call.  Well, an online profile, a message, but then a phone call.  He talked at me for eight minutes. 

We were in the same area of town last night and tried to meet up anyway.  Within two minutes I was over it. 

This was my first chance to be rude.  Make an exit with the friend I was with instead of letting him go on his merry way and leave me with the frog.

I didn’t.

The frog and his fly breath hopped into my personal space.

He hated the bar I was at, which wasn’t all that bad, so suggested we go somewhere else after he swigged his vodka tonic.

We went to another place where he told the waitress we wanted waters.  He talked at me some more. 

He did ask questions.  This is what he wanted to talk about:

1.  Is my hair naturally curly?
2.  Am I German?
3.  Am I an Arizona native?
4.  Did I go to ASU?

The funny thing is, the answers to those questions – yes, yes, technically no, no – were the same EVERY time he asked me.  First he blamed the repeated questions on the drinks he had before we met up, then he tried to say he was just playing with me.

He talked about astrology.  An awkward amount.

He got up to go to the bathroom.

This is where I should have been rude again.

Is it weird that a life goal of mine is to walk out on a bad date?  Perhaps not, because even given the perfect opportunity for it, I still couldn’t.

I waited.  He came back with a beer.  A beer.

I didn’t want to drink anymore anyway, I wanted to get out of there, but still.

He gave me a very condescending look when I said I hadn’t heard of his favorite short story authors. 

Toward the end of the too-long night, he told me I was uptight.  He said he was big on conversation and I wasn’t very good at it because I wasn’t asking him very many questions.    But, he slipped them all in like what he was saying wasn’ t actually kind of rude.

I usually would offer a “well, I’m shy and it takes me a while to open up” as an excuse, but really that wasn’t it. 

I had an early morning today, so I imposed a curfew and took off as soon as I could.  Okay, not true.  I took off as soon as my mother’s leftover etiquette lessons would allow. 

Surprisingly he walked me to my car.  Without breaking pace, I let him talk at me about a concert on Sunday, which was really the genesis of this communication and meeting, which is so not happening now and dinner next week and anything else he wanted.  I just knew my car was getting closer with every step and I was so thrilled by this fact.

With his digs at me, he really didn’t seem all that interested either, but asked for a hug.

He said he was cabbing it home (all of a few blocks) so I called him lazy and he said it came with his job.  He’s a stock broker.  He’s “lazy and rich” he yelled at me as I closed my car door. 

Sorry dude, you didn’t sell it all night, you’re not selling it now.  Go find a girl whose requirements revolve around your supposed money.  I’m a woman who knows that ain’t not worth it.

Bachelor #2

So, Thursday was #1, I went out with someone on Friday, but was unsure of if he counted or not because I’d been out with him before, so although tonight’s was third in three days (ugh), we’re going to call him #2. 

eHarmony.  Cute, fun, flirty, moved at a good pace for setting up the first meeting.  I was really looking forward to this date. 

We settled on Mexican, but he surprised me with the suggestion of a really nice Latin restaurant.  And also with the offer to pick me up, which of course I declined.

Without having too much in common, we had plenty to talk about and I felt at ease right away.  Actually, before right away.  He invited me to come over and walk his dog with him the night before and I thought that would be totally fine, but I decided to wait until an actual first date. 

So tonight we went out and he kept me laughing (although I’m beginning to think I just pretty much laugh at anything).

As a believer in short, one-phase first dates, I had the feeling I could keep hanging out with him, so we did.  We heard live country music coming from a total dive and had to go in.  Turns out we do have a bit in common.  We both like country music, whiskey and people watching/judging. 

Then it was actually time to call it a night, as my usual plan is to keep them wanting more.

There was a kiss.  It was slightly awkward, but I don’t think I’ve had a first date kiss in quite a while.

So, why is he a frog?

He told me he got there early to get his name in for a table and was at the bar.  It was kind of crowded, but he was looking for me around the time I was supposed to arrive, so when I walked in, he saw me from the bar and gave me an awkward rocker hand signal. 

I always hate trying to pick out my online date in a restaurant.  I think I look a lot like my pictures and have the tell-tale curly hair to set me apart, but you never know about the guys you’re meeting.  Either way, the rocker signal was weird.

According to eH, we’re the same age.  At this point, I’m four months from my birthday, so it’s more miss than hit for finding someone my “age” but older.  I asked his astrological sign and sure enough, he’s younger (seven months). 

Also, I was approximately his height in my heels and I wasn’t a fan of his shirt.  Reaching?  Maybe.  Seeing frog/bachelor #2 again?  Yeah, sure.

Bachelor #1

I joke a lot.  I make repeated jokes a lot.  I get this from my dad; his current favorite joke is that, now that he’s retired, he doesn’t do anything all day and he doesn’t start that until noon.  Yep, my dad’s got jokes. 

But, I am not at all joking about the fact that I believe I have to date 12 men to find one worth my while.  And now the official tracking begins.

Allow me to introduce Bachelor #1.

We met on eHarmony.  Through talking, I found out I went to school with his younger sister.  I went to a small, religious school in a different state, so this is a little more unusual than if I had gone to, say ASU.  I actually lived down the hall from his sis and across the hall from her boyfriend during different years.

Poor Bachelor #1.  We had a date scheduled.  Then Non-Mush happened.  I debated cancelling since I was so excited about this other kid.  I asked people’s opinions until I heard what I wanted to hear and then I cancelled. 

Sort of.  I felt bad and the cancel ended up being a postpone.  To the next week.  Non-Mush was still happening, more so at that point.  I cancelled again, but was finally honest about why, telling him I was going to see where things went with this other guy.

They went nowhere good. 

I took a little time, but then, tail between my legs, asked him if he’d still be interested in meeting up.  We made the same plans I had cancelled twice, happy hour at a popular bar in a central location. 

It’s literally been a month since we talked.  I really don’t remember what we talked about, but I kind of had his base information in line.  Honestly, I don’t know how people keep this shit straight without flow charts.  He at least stood out from the pack because of his sis-college connection.  Either way, I was actually kind of excited about the date.

Two beers each.  Three and a half hours.  Good conversation.  Smiles.  Laughs.  Lots in common. 

We didn’t talk too much about his sis, which is an easy trap to fall into when you have a person in common, but inhibits you from getting to know the other person, and he didn’t awkwardly ask about Non-Mush.  Points.

So, why is he a frog?  Well, is he a frog?

I spent the whole time trying to make myself forget that his shirt was tucked into his shorts.  He and my dad would get along like gangbusters.  They could talk about doing nothing before noon.

Sex and Red Flags

For those not familiar, eHarmony claims to be amazing not just because they match you with people based on compatibility, but also because they have a three-step guided communication process to get to know your matches (this is one of the reasons I find them to be actually just kind of annoying). 

The first step after viewing your match’s pictures thoughtfully written profile (that doesn’t actually contain very much, or very relevent, information) is to send five multiple-choice questions you pick from a list of about 25.

One of these questions is something to the effect of “how soon are you going to let me bang you after we meet?” Well, okay, it might be more along the lines of “what are your thoughts on premarital sex?” But, you KNOW what’s being asked.

And this is what kind of skeeves me out about online dating because sometimes it feels like, when it comes down to it, people like to touch other people’s naughty bits and now they’ve taken to the web to find someone who will allow them to do so.

Anyway, it’s kind of rare to get this question, but every now and then a guy will throw it in there and it always raises a suspiciously red-colored flag.  Like, really?  That’s the FIRST thing you need to know about me?  I’m sorry to have wasted your time reading the answers to my previous four questions.  You should have done the “skip to eHarmony mail” option and just asked me to send you a money shot. 

Anyway, one guy with a name fit for a four-year-old sent me this Q.  He was tall and I played along.  Plus, he was a pro golfer, and as Miley would say, “that’s pretty cool.”

Yes, the questions are multiple-choice, but there’s a “write your own” option and I usually write something like, “I don’t think it’s something that needs to be brought up at such an early stage.”

That apparently wasn’t a wrong answer and we continued through the comm stages and finally got to exchanging numbers and, like many lazy, lazy men in their 20s on dating sites, Toddler Name wanted to text endlessly.

We got into what we were looking for in a person and he said, among other things, “affectionate and likes to cuddle.” 

So I called him out.  “Ah, yes, you’re the one who awkwardly asked about sex right away.”

He said he went out with a girl who went off about how sex is a sin and realized he might as well find out early because it’s important to him.  For the record, I think it’s important, but I don’t think it’s a deal breaker and I don’t think it should affect your decision to at least start to get to know someone. 

As I told him and other people I’ve had this discussion with, if it’s the right person, waiting shouldn’t be an issue because you’ll have the rest of your lives to fuck.  You’re not going to walk away from your soul mate because he or she won’t give it up before getting married. 

And yes, on the flip side, if it’s the right person, do it now or do it on your wedding day, who cares?  This is the person you love.  But, everyone has different beliefs and values and to each his or her own.

Toddler Name again asked how I felt and I again said, it doesn’t need to be discussed early on.  We had a bit of a strained conversation after that.

This whole sex thing was literally one of five red flags this guy waved in the text conversation, which only went on for an afternoon. 

So now the question is, since I’ve determined I have to kiss 12 frogs, since I don’t want to wait five months again (because five months takes us to September, just one month before weddingpalooza and I need something firmer than that…TWSS) do I go out with him just based on the fact that I know he’s gonna be a frog and he can help me kick off this aggravating process?

Now, I know the answer.  Put NO after his name in my phone and ignore, ignore, ignore, but I at least considered it.  I’m pretty sure going in with poor intentions will somehow throw off the system and I’ll end up having to do double duty or something – 24 frogs and 10 months! Oy vey.

I also realize I’m totally overthinking this, which I’ve discovered I do in the in-between.  Yes, I’ve been a dating maniac, going out with a lot of guys, wondering when I would walk away from the dating smorgasboard because I met nice guys but maybe I was BBDing* them just because I could? 

But when I found a guy who actually held my interest, the thinking disappeared.  I wanted to stand still with these guys (the two five-month bookends).  I wasn’t wondering when I would feel like NOT going on other dates, I was feeling it.

I’m too romantic and fragile for this.  So, until I find the next guy I want to stand still with and release my bated breath when he tells me he wants to stand still too, I’ll be over here overthinking.  And going out with tall d-bags who think inviting a woman over for a “movie” on not just a first date, but a first meeting, is appropriate (yeah, that was another of his red flags).

*BBDing = Bigger Better Dealing them (thanks, Patty Stanger)…liking what I had, but figuring if I could get that, I could get something even better, so constantly looking for that next, better thing.  It kinda sucks when you realize you weren’t BBDing, just seeking out something you deserve, but that you got BBDed in the process.

Back in the Trenches

I feel a little silly being upset over the end of a mini-non-relationship with Non-Mush.  BUT, I’m watching a good friend go through the beginning of a new relationship – that started around the same time mine never did, ouch – and I realized if things had continued to swim along, I’d be equally as thrilled about it as I am now bummed about it. 

Plus, it’s okay to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.

Maybe it’s not the loss of the relationship specifically, because it wasn’t necessarily anything yet, but the loss of what it could have been, what I wanted it to be, what I thought it might be.

I’m making him a guidepost, a reminder of the quality of guy I deserve, the excitement I should feel at the beginning of something. 

I’m taking my lessons – 1. when it feels right, go all in so you’re left with no regrets, 2. trust your intuition and call a guy on his B.S. when he needs it – and moving on.  Maybe, kinda.*

Well, moving on but totally lamenting the fact that I now have to kiss twelve more frogs until the next good one.  I’m not saying this because JWOWW told me so, I’m saying this because I’ve lived it and it’s true. 

TGISWOTSD —> Non-Mush = FIVE months and approximately 12 other men (not all of whom I actually kissed, it’s just a saying people)!

There are A LOT of men out there.  Most are not for me, but there’s only one way to sort through them to find my Prince Charming.  I’ve got to get in the trenches. 

But you know what?  I don’t wanna.  I mean, yes, I will and honestly, I do want to, but with more focus on the Prince Charming part, less on the trenches part. 

For now, I’m completely overwhelmed by the rigmarole of online dating and the sheer volume of idiots / jerks / douches on the sites.  The whole concept is just not sitting well with me right now and I have no clue where to start to meet a man organically.  Okay, well I have some idea, but planning is very different from execution. 

When my desire to get out there again comes back, I’ve got my post-breakup hair and post-breakup bod ready to go.

To quote one of my fav movies…”head up, young person.”

*Maybe, kinda because I’m straddling a fence right now.  Part of me wants to say, “if you don’t want me in your life [romantically], you don’t get me in your life [at all].”

Another part is piecing bits of our last conversation together and thinking this is a bump, a feeling out period and that we actually could be great together.  For that part of me, it still feels right to give it another shot with Non-Mush. 

I realize that if I was paying attention I wouldn’t think that was an option, but this falls in the no regrets category and even though looking into my magic ball, I assume I’ll find a man who makes me wonder why I ever wasted my time, I don’t want to what-if this situation.