A Small Picture

I’ve had moments since graduating college where I’m like, wow, I’m an adult, but nothing hits you harder than owning a home…well, owning a mortgage on a home and having the blessing of paying a bank every month for the next thirty years of your life.

In discussing the home and the whole process I’ve been going through with my mom, she had one of those “I can’t believe my baby’s buying a house” moments. To her, I’m 12. To my dad, I’m about 8 so he’s having an even tougher time with it.

All my apologies to feminism, but I was susceptible to the Prince Charming and happily ever after influences of my childhood and never really imagined I’d buy a house on my own. It wasn’t even on my radar until maybe about a year ago and sadly, even at that point, my thought process was like, “with my luck, I’ll give in and buy a house and a week later meet Prince Charming and he’ll have his own place and we’ll just be a mess of real estate.”

Lucky has a place, but I decided to buy after meeting him and before knowing where our relationship is going because that’s the best I could do. 

As Oprah says and as I’ve named my blog:

“Doing the best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next.”

I made the decision that was right for me right now and as I read recently:

“It will all add up to something, even if it’s disconnected now.”

You can’t know the big picture, you just piece together the little ones until you see it. When I was in the mess of the first house I put an offer on, my feeling was that I just wanted to fast forward a few months to get through the stressful bits of the loan process, escrow, the renovations and be there already. That was probably my first sign that something was off. I’m excited about this big event in my life now and the journey that I imagine it’s starting me on.

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Timelines

Let it be noted that Saturday was the official day that my mom expressed that her biological (grandma) clock is ticking.

It was a birthday dinner for both my future bro-in-law and me. Sis and FBIL were discussing how his sister is eager for them to have kids since she just had her first and she wants the baby to have a close-in-age (hopefully girl) cousin. They said they will have one in about a year at the very earliest because they’re basically gonna start trying two months after the wedding.

Mom: “I’m just happy you’re talking about having kids so soon.” And there it was.

In all honesty, talking babies two months after being married seems crazy to me, but it works for them (and apparently for my mother as well).  Timelines are so personal and I don’t think we should look at or judge others’ nor do I think others should look at or judge mine, but perhaps that’s the bigger concern about them…that other people will judge. 

Like weddings and babies, everyone thinks they did/will do it right.  And they did/will…if they do what’s right for them.

So you know what?  F “other people.” I’m looking to, in fact, live my life…as I was meant to, as I want to, as it happens.

As it happens is a big one for me. I’m a planner and think ahead quite a bit and I’m not sure how to change that, but I’m trying. It’s hard not to think in terms of timelines – timelines as I always thought they’d be, timelines as compared to others’ – but I’m working on being grateful for the now. 

So, where does my mom’s revelation + my desire to do what’s right for me leave me?  Yes, it’s nice being the younger sister; the weight for getting married and having babies is a little lifted, but I still feel it. 

My girl Oprah says:

God can dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever dream for yourself.

The timeline I’m meant to have and the NOW that happens in it is better than the timeline I spend so much time and energy trying to control and it’s better than the timeline that family pressure tries to impose.  Letting that roll off my back and giving up a little control is good.  Repeat.

Quotes like that seem to make their way into my life when I need them. Sometimes through blogs, movies or yoga instructors. I think on them, I write them down, I go back and connect the dots.

Today I collected my thoughts and created one of my own. It’s a good thing I’m not famous because this is probably not cohesive, let alone helpful, but it’s what I’m focusing on today:

If you want to do something, then really do it. In the moment, without what might have beens or what might bes.

I think that the life that comes from that will be better than any timeline.

Oprahisms Part Two

I may or may not have stayed at work for about an extra 45 minutes to avoid having to miss any of Oprah’s last show.  She teared up once, as did I.

Love her or hate her, her last show was wonderful and I would recommend watching it.  She did talk a bit about herself, which seems to be the biggest complaint I’ve heard about her lately, but mostly she spoke about what 25 years with her guests and viewers has taught her – a perfect combination of the things she knows for sure and her aha moments. 

If you don’t want to watch it, don’t worry, I took notes.

Always remember:

You are responsible for your life.  You are responsible for your energy.  You are responsible for the energy you bring to others.

You alone, are enough. 

Validate those around you.  Let them know you see them, you hear them and what they say matters to you.

Your life is always speaking to you.  It starts as a whisper and if you don’t listen you’re going to get smacked upside the head.

I’m a big believer that things, ideas, people come into your life when you need them, so these are the things that spoke to me this afternoon. 

My mom sent me a text halfway through the show to let me know she was recording it (because they just got DVR and on Mother’s Day got the lesson on how to do that) so I could watch it if I had missed it today.  I might watch it again.  I might hear different things that I need at that time.

Oprahisms

Oprah’s my girl.  Well, for just a few more weeks she is.


DON’T. GO.

I came home from high school and watched her.  I watched her at college.  I DVRed her when I started my adult job and when my adult job didn’t pay me enough to have a DVR anymore, if it was a particularly good episode, I’d stay up until it was replayed at midnight.  Conveniently, now I just have a TV at work and often get to watch the show.  Well, for a few more weeks days I do.


Get her, Tom.  Jump on her and hold her down and make her keep talking to us FOREVER.

I love Oprah so much that I named my blog from one of my favorite quotes of hers. 

Doing the best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next. 

Sometimes, like when I’m writing my fifth post of the week about the guy who paid for my dinner, talked at me for a few hours, but isn’t near cool enough for me to respond to his future texts, let alone remember his actual name, I wonder, WWOD?

Yeah…What Would Oprah Do?

I’m pretty sure she’d be all, “Um, MJ?  That’s not really the spirit of that quote.”

I know, Oprah, I know.  And these are the things I won’t be reminded of five times a week anymore.  There will be no more aha moments. 

Yes I’ve heard the whispers that she’s coming back with her show on her OWN network, but I don’t get OWN at home or at work.  This is #singlewhitegirlproblems at their finest.

Which reminds me, today I got off work early and was able to get home in time to enjoy all of Oprah’s fourth to last show from the comfort of my couch and with undivided attention.  She got to a segment in which she was laying in bed with Maya Angelou (don’t judge, she’s Oprah and therefore can do WTFSW) and they were discussing another one of my favorite O quotes.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

I have never found that to be wrong. 

And, I learned a new one.  When you’re crying, you’re upset, you’re complaining…

Stop.  Say thank you.

So, although I feel like this…

I’m going to suck it up and be grateful for the opportunity to be sad.

Thanks, Oprah.  You’re pretty and squishy and smell nice and I love you.

The Pregnancy Test

Today I was at my favorite discount retailer, ironically stopping by the baby aisle to pick up Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.  Apparently it’s actually a bad idea to shave your legs in the sink, even if the ritualistic feel of it is comforting after a stressful week.  I ended up with bad razor burn.  I remember Oprah talking about the butt paste and the wonders it works years ago, so I figured it was worth a shot. 

I got in line behind a young woman (my age, maybe younger) buying what seemed to be a bunch of random crap.  Not that I’m nosy, but really what else is there to do in line at a store besides notice and judge what the person in front of you is buying?  So of course I noticed that one of the last things out of her basket was a pregnancy test.  There’s no mistaking that little pink box.  Like I said, she looked youngish and I couldn’t help but wonder what THAT story was about. 

Buying those tests is always so awkward!  It always feels like there’s a red flashing light above your head!  I’ve been taking birth control pills since before I started having sex – because I’m responsible like that – and I understand the concept and I take them precisely as directed thank you very much, but for some reason I don’t trust it and have found myself with that pink box a few times:

Test #1:  I was back at college after starting to sleep with my long distance boyfriend over the summer and my period was late.  My best friend/roommate went to Rite Aid with me to pick one out.  The (pregnant) check out girl told me it wasn’t so bad.  BF/R sat in the bathroom with me when I took it, just like on TV.  Negative.  Thank goodness.  I wanted to actually graduate college.

Test #2:  I bought a pregnancy test and delicious chocolate covered cashews at another Rite Aid on the way home from work.  Negative.  Thank goodness.  Broke up with the guy a week later. 

Test #3:  I discovered Walmart has very cheap pregnancy tests last fall when every expense was a real decision.  The guy was younger than me but for some reason really ready to be a daddy, so I took the test for his sake and went to work (because we worked together) and told him it was negative.  We broke up a month or so later and I heard he was engaged less than a week after that, so yeah, thank goodness. 

Test #4:  This one I didn’t so much have to awkwardly buy.  I went to the gynecologist last week for a routine check up and told her I’ve missed my period for the last two months.  Skipping a month is normal for me, but two had me more concerned about my plumbing than about a little monster growing inside of me.  

My base knowledge of pregnancy math tells me the timing doesn’t add up and my stomach is still delightfully flat (although upon googling “when do you start to show first baby” I just found this bit of info “if this is your first pregnancy and you are in good overall shape, you may not start to show until 20 weeks” eek). 

My gyno was quite relaxed about everything and suggested that since I was having blood work done anyway, she would just tack on a pregnancy test to rule that out in the missing period mystery.  TBD.