Why You Don’t Make Future Plans

Things with Yogi were going well, if becoming a little predictable. After the kiss when I jumped off the deep end, we saw each other often, slipping into a comfortable routine where I got off work as he was going to work, so I got a little down time and then he’d come over after work to hang out (he literally only works for two hours a day, which I kind of thought would bug me, but it’s an awesome job and he’s good and successful at it and does make decent money – and no, he’s not a stripper).

He came to me, he made me laugh, he liked my cooking, he didn’t mind my crazy dog and we could just be. It was nice.

Sex came up once and I brushed it off as too soon, so respectfully he just asked me to tell him when I was ready. I wondered if we were too comfortable and decided we needed to enjoy each other on a real date again before we got busy, then decided that I was really busy on my own and if there was a man I was attracted to who was making it fairly easy for me to get a little loving, that was okay, but we might as well still do the date thing, so on Friday I told him to come over after work and take me to dinner.

Don’t call me a whore, don’t say I’m banging for dinner.  I didn’t need a fancy four-course meal, I just needed to go out. We actually ended up a sports bar watching his college’s basketball team’s season opener. It was nice to have him open my door in the rain (he really was raised right), place his hand on my back with an affectionate rub while we were watching the game and enjoy each other outside of the comfort bubble we were making at my house.

But, back to my house we went, make out we did and eventually I asked if he would wear a condom. (This IS a reasonable request, right?!)

He laughed.

But, said he’d try. WTF does that even mean?!

Four minutes later I realized WTF that even means.

Things got awkward. Not super awkward, he didn’t seem embarrassed or uncomfortable really, but he was definitely wondering how long he had to cuddle before leaving and right as I was about to call him on that, he said, “I’m going to go home now.”

When he left, I wasn’t sad, mad, upset, anything really, maybe just a little stumped.

I’ve had men tell me that basically they like to fuck on a first date to see if there’s sexual chemistry before wasting time or getting into anything “serious” which seems totally stupid, but indicative of what men deem a serious relationship v. what women deem a serious relationship. And now I kind of understand it. But, we had some steamy make out seshes and all systems were go before we attempted this so really, it just baffled me. I really liked him, but that was BAD and I just didn’t know that to do with it.

I sent him a text the next day to prove that things weren’t awkward. He responded and we went back and forth talking about our mornings. And I haven’t heard from him since 😦 Yes, it’s only three days and yes, it’s a two-way street, but I’m taking a stand on men who don’t treat me right and/or who display the classic signs of “he’s just not that into you.”

Anyway, I was really trying to take it one day at a time, but my brain jumps forward and I guess what I’m saying is that I still need to work on calming that down and take it for what it is to avoid this disappointment when those things don’t happen.

With that said, I’m off to a date with Yogi 2.0 (literally, they have the same name, talk about awkward) that I’m kinda excited about, but totally pretending I’m not.


The Face Grab Kiss

So, I’ve been on threeish dates with Yogi and while I still have some terrible online dating experiences to share and Mr. Grocery Store decided to pop back up (persistent like a game of whack-a-mole), I was thinking I just don’t have much to say because it’s smooth sailing. It’s fun and easy, I’m totally myself around him and I’m not going crazy trying to figure out how he feels.

I’m trying to take it one day at a time and relax and enjoy it, but then on date three, he kissed me and everything changed. Not everything changed like Mr. Grocery Store’s dead fish of a tongue sent any chance of our May-December fling down the drain, but like wow.

Yogi invited me over after work to let my dog run around in his yard and I can’t say no to exercising that little demon (as evidenced by his relentless pestering of Yogi’s old, patient, super calm dog and the fact that even after an hour of playing, the young one just started sprinting in figure eights around the wet yard). On the way over there, Amy Laurent the matchmaker popped in my head telling me to never accept same-day invites, but then Amy Laurent the reality star reminded me she’s done it before herself, so I didn’t feel too bad.

We hung out all night, a little close sitting and I knew he wasn’t letting me leave without a kiss. He came in with a very assertive and sexy face grab kiss.

Note: I wrote this after date three and since then we had date four (more kissing), BUT I think Amy would be proud of me for keeping myself, ahem, busy, at a Halloween party at a bar last night and keeping options open in this early stage.

Under the Belt

My Match subscription is up next week and I have definitely not used it to its full potential. I thought maybe I was just underwhelmed by the men on there – not attracted to them, not excited by their profiles and they seemed to be into endless emails that I struggled to keep going – but there’s been a shift and I don’t think it’s in the men.

Since I signed up, I’ve had pity parties, I’ve had girls nights, I’ve been out on a few dates, I’ve been kissed (in both good and bad ways), and I’ve seen Lucky in a professional context without turning it into a very personal, intimate context, so I think it’s time to get going again. I’m more emotionally ready to actively date now. It had to start somewhere and I had to get that first online date (of this “round”) under my belt.

There was one guy I was interested in, but I was NOT interested in touching base every Monday to talk about how my weekend WAS and every Thursday to talk about my plans for the NEXT weekend and it had literally been a month of that. Blah. So, I told him as much and he took the hint that wasn’t really a hint and asked for my number and actually called. I’m not great on the phone and I’d much rather use it to make plans, then chat it up over dinner or drinks, but we talked for an hour one night, then a half hour the next day, so that’s a good sign!

We talked about yoga – how he thought he should try it but was intimidated, so I asked him to join me for a sesh.  What has gotten into me? I don’t ask men out (but it IS on my Dating Bingo card, check!) and I don’t need a guy watching me do yoga the first time I meet him, but I was going and wanted to meet him and it just felt natural to invite him.

Yogi gets major points.  He agreed, he showed up, he did his first yoga class ever on a first date in the middle of an outdoor mall at a fairly busy time. Oh yeah, it was a lululemon class held in the courtyard in front of their store (I’m tempted to count it as an “outdoorsy” date, but I don’t think that’s what I truly had in mind for that square, so I’ll leave it open).

Our actual class…we just didn’t make the Facebook pic.

His willingness to try something new and potentially look stupid on a date was pretty attractive. Speaking of attractive…based on his pictures, I felt like it could go either way, but when he walked up to me, I mentally heard an immediate “yes,” another good sign!

After we made it through the class – with only a few giggles from both of us and the instructor telling him she loved him, but he could learn from me – we walked through the center (score one more point for Yogi…when I ended up walking on the street side, he gently guided me to the inside – guys still do that?!) and stopped at a Mexican restaurant for a beer and to watch the end of the ASU game. Overall, a fun, easy night and I will be seeing him again…this time he asked me out!