Day 19

I’ve posted every day since the 5th and am suddenly feeling a lot of pressure to keep this thing going. 

A lot has changed since the 5th.  Even as I wrote that post, I knew something wasn’t right with TGISWOTSDAKHEFAWBOAKHFTD.  Maybe I thought if I wrote a lighthearted post about my non-boyfriend things would turn out okay. 

That asshole, who’s not really an asshole at all, broke my heart on the 5th.  Luckily I had not given him too much of it.  I hadn’t been seeing him for that long and feel a little silly that I was so affected by it, but I was really disappointed, mostly about the loss of what I thought we could have been, but the truth is, it was just not meant to be and when I feel a little sad I remind myself of that. 

The other day I was looking at my calendar and felt relieved that it’s almost December.  In December, I can throw out November.  I don’t have to be reminded of a party we went to together, the date we had the night he told me it wasn’t going to work out and the date we had a week later that we tried to pretend wasn’t a date that mostly just went up in flames.  I can get away from the Saturdays after those dates, which I spent in fogs.

Truthfully though, I hate to be one of those who’s perpetually wishing for time to go faster.  Yes, everyone loves weekends, but the majority of life is spent in weeks, so there have to be ways to enjoy the in-between too.

So, what else have I done since the 5th?

I found a spin class I enjoy going to on a regular basis.  I ran a 10K (mostly).  I gave my body over to a personal trainer who has me walking around like an arthritic 78-year-old but showing me that my body is capable of amazing things.  I learned to foam roll my poor, poor muscles.

I went to San Diego on my first business trip with my new company.  I gave my first presentation and did a really good job.  

I rejoined the wonderful world of online dating.  I flirted and got an extra month and a half on my free gym membership.  I explored a music museum and had wine and easy, uninterrupted conversation with Rebel, the friend/flower guy.

I went to my first opera.    I visited with my mom on her birthday and forgave her for finding my last blog (not literally because I never told her that was why I took it down, but I hadn’t been being fair to her because of it and now I’m over it).  I got upset with my sister and got over that too.  I caught up with an old friend at a casino at 5pm on a Saturday like (arthritic) 78-year-olds bussed in from the retirement communities.  I made holiday plans with college friends.

I’m going to enjoy the rest of November.  I’m going to slow down.  It’s not about rushing to the next phase.  I’m going to let myself feel the hurt if it comes up AND remember to enjoy the good things that make up the in-between time.

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TMI

I officially just became That Girl. The one who spends her lunch break wandering around Crate & Barrel. She knows what she wants to buy but doesn’t quite get how C&B works, so she makes a mental note and goes back to work to order online.

While there wandering – and this is where I became That Girl – she talks on the phone.   I’m not one of those people who thinks that for a cell phone to work YOU HAVE TO SHOUT INTO IT, but intimate conversations with friends are meant to be had in the comfort of your home.  Thanks to modern technology, though, we can have these conversations anywhere we want! Conversations that catch us up with a friend who’s been on vacation for the last week. First I listen as he laments going on a family-funded cruise (oh, the torture), then I discuss.

I discuss my race and how I showed up hungover, my inappropriate crush on my new trainer who will prepare me for my next race with lengthy stretching sessions, my recent breakup, the mystery flowers I received from one of who knows how many suitors, the guy who actually sent them and how we are hopefully going to go out soon, the guy he works with (okay, his boss) who I had a small tryst with and is now avoiding me, the fact that boss man isn’t NOT talking to me because I gave him something (my friend’s guess…gee thanks) because a. we didn’t “hook up” in THAT sense and b. I actually just got my tests back and I’m so fresh and so clean, the fact that he’s actually not talking to me because his nickname for me is Trouble because he’s involved elsewhere and lastly that we need to get together for a happy hour so we can spread the TMI love all across our city.

You’re welcome, associates and patrons of Crate & Barrel, for that play-by-play of the last week of the life of this hot mess.  Consider it payback for the fact that now I either have to pay shipping or order extra shit to qualify for free shipping…and we both know which one it’s going to be.