The Pregnancy Test

Today I was at my favorite discount retailer, ironically stopping by the baby aisle to pick up Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.  Apparently it’s actually a bad idea to shave your legs in the sink, even if the ritualistic feel of it is comforting after a stressful week.  I ended up with bad razor burn.  I remember Oprah talking about the butt paste and the wonders it works years ago, so I figured it was worth a shot. 

I got in line behind a young woman (my age, maybe younger) buying what seemed to be a bunch of random crap.  Not that I’m nosy, but really what else is there to do in line at a store besides notice and judge what the person in front of you is buying?  So of course I noticed that one of the last things out of her basket was a pregnancy test.  There’s no mistaking that little pink box.  Like I said, she looked youngish and I couldn’t help but wonder what THAT story was about. 

Buying those tests is always so awkward!  It always feels like there’s a red flashing light above your head!  I’ve been taking birth control pills since before I started having sex – because I’m responsible like that – and I understand the concept and I take them precisely as directed thank you very much, but for some reason I don’t trust it and have found myself with that pink box a few times:

Test #1:  I was back at college after starting to sleep with my long distance boyfriend over the summer and my period was late.  My best friend/roommate went to Rite Aid with me to pick one out.  The (pregnant) check out girl told me it wasn’t so bad.  BF/R sat in the bathroom with me when I took it, just like on TV.  Negative.  Thank goodness.  I wanted to actually graduate college.

Test #2:  I bought a pregnancy test and delicious chocolate covered cashews at another Rite Aid on the way home from work.  Negative.  Thank goodness.  Broke up with the guy a week later. 

Test #3:  I discovered Walmart has very cheap pregnancy tests last fall when every expense was a real decision.  The guy was younger than me but for some reason really ready to be a daddy, so I took the test for his sake and went to work (because we worked together) and told him it was negative.  We broke up a month or so later and I heard he was engaged less than a week after that, so yeah, thank goodness. 

Test #4:  This one I didn’t so much have to awkwardly buy.  I went to the gynecologist last week for a routine check up and told her I’ve missed my period for the last two months.  Skipping a month is normal for me, but two had me more concerned about my plumbing than about a little monster growing inside of me.  

My base knowledge of pregnancy math tells me the timing doesn’t add up and my stomach is still delightfully flat (although upon googling “when do you start to show first baby” I just found this bit of info “if this is your first pregnancy and you are in good overall shape, you may not start to show until 20 weeks” eek). 

My gyno was quite relaxed about everything and suggested that since I was having blood work done anyway, she would just tack on a pregnancy test to rule that out in the missing period mystery.  TBD.