Not MY Baby

So, yesterday I called my date the “baby manager” from an old job. When we worked together, he was 19 and looked even younger. We worked in different departments and our only real interaction was once I had an unhappy guest who wanted to talk to a manager and I grabbed BM (he was an assistant front office manager) to appease this guest.  He was slightly less than appeased, though. He looked at this kid, looked at his name tag, which did say manager, and kinda laughed out a, “YOU’RE a manager?”

From there, we connected on Facebook and for some reason, over the summer, he started messaging me, which turned to texting, which turned to him deciding we needed to hang out, which turned to him declaring his intentions further by calling it a date. Persistent? Yes. Surprisingly confident for a younger guy? Yes. I think it was the surprising confidence that wore me down and had me agree.

He’s a ripe 22 now BTW. Six years younger than me. Me being six years younger than Yogi, but damn it feels strange to be on the other side. My aversion to younger men is typically the maturity factor, but I actually did forget at times that he was so young, but then again, who can’t act mature for two hours?!

Anyway, I’m jumping ahead of myself. I gave him two options for the date. Option 1 – he could join me for yoga and then we could hit happy hour sushi or option 2 – I could go to yoga, go home and clean up like an adult and meet him for dinner-time sushi. This yoga thing might actually be turning into a thing and I’m not sure if it’s a test (BM had also never done yoga) or more about me being stubborn and wanting to go to yoga and being like, “this is what I’m doing, you can come or we can NOT hang out.” Reason #76 why I’m single.

I liked option 1 because then I could go in sweaty gym clothes, so it would be less like a date and then it would be over earlier so I could still make my 9:30 bed time. Reasons #77 and 78 why I’m single and reason #34 why I’m an OLD lady. Fortunately, he liked option 1 too.

Or unfortunately, because two minutes in (to the date, not even into the yoga class), THIS happened:

Me: Here’s my gym card and I have a guest today. [Gestures at BM]
Check-in Lady: Is he your son?

Super awkward. We laughed, I hope she felt like the blind, evil lady she is and we went off to yoga class with a, “let’s go, Mom,” from him.

He actually did well in the class and said he enjoyed it and then we went to sushi in our sweaty non-date date clothes. He called me Mom a couple more times. We had big sake bombs (too big for me). I felt like a bad date a few times because I was not being the best conversationalist, but it wasn’t as terribly awkward as I was expecting – he let his I’m-a-cool-guy-22-year-old guard down a bit and mentioned a few other things we should do together in the future – so I guess he wasn’t too put off by my off-putting behavior.

So, it’s a question mark. I went in not thinking it would be anything fantastic and romantic and it wasn’t, but it wasn’t awful. Which is not a very sparkling review.

Either way, I definitely earned this square on my BINGO card.

No Name Update: He still can’t let it go! He sent me a text today asking if I was seeing someone because apparently that’s the ONLY reason a woman wouldn’t be tripping over her own feet to be with him. I said no, I just don’t mind being alone and he said he was surprised I wouldn’t give it a chance and I said I had, but it no longer deserves a chance just because there was nothing going on. To which he said, “okay…your call.” IS it?! Because he doesn’t seem to be okay with giving up that control and going along with what I’m saying.

 

Under the Belt

My Match subscription is up next week and I have definitely not used it to its full potential. I thought maybe I was just underwhelmed by the men on there – not attracted to them, not excited by their profiles and they seemed to be into endless emails that I struggled to keep going – but there’s been a shift and I don’t think it’s in the men.

Since I signed up, I’ve had pity parties, I’ve had girls nights, I’ve been out on a few dates, I’ve been kissed (in both good and bad ways), and I’ve seen Lucky in a professional context without turning it into a very personal, intimate context, so I think it’s time to get going again. I’m more emotionally ready to actively date now. It had to start somewhere and I had to get that first online date (of this “round”) under my belt.

There was one guy I was interested in, but I was NOT interested in touching base every Monday to talk about how my weekend WAS and every Thursday to talk about my plans for the NEXT weekend and it had literally been a month of that. Blah. So, I told him as much and he took the hint that wasn’t really a hint and asked for my number and actually called. I’m not great on the phone and I’d much rather use it to make plans, then chat it up over dinner or drinks, but we talked for an hour one night, then a half hour the next day, so that’s a good sign!

We talked about yoga – how he thought he should try it but was intimidated, so I asked him to join me for a sesh.  What has gotten into me? I don’t ask men out (but it IS on my Dating Bingo card, check!) and I don’t need a guy watching me do yoga the first time I meet him, but I was going and wanted to meet him and it just felt natural to invite him.

Yogi gets major points.  He agreed, he showed up, he did his first yoga class ever on a first date in the middle of an outdoor mall at a fairly busy time. Oh yeah, it was a lululemon class held in the courtyard in front of their store (I’m tempted to count it as an “outdoorsy” date, but I don’t think that’s what I truly had in mind for that square, so I’ll leave it open).

Our actual class…we just didn’t make the Facebook pic.

His willingness to try something new and potentially look stupid on a date was pretty attractive. Speaking of attractive…based on his pictures, I felt like it could go either way, but when he walked up to me, I mentally heard an immediate “yes,” another good sign!

After we made it through the class – with only a few giggles from both of us and the instructor telling him she loved him, but he could learn from me – we walked through the center (score one more point for Yogi…when I ended up walking on the street side, he gently guided me to the inside – guys still do that?!) and stopped at a Mexican restaurant for a beer and to watch the end of the ASU game. Overall, a fun, easy night and I will be seeing him again…this time he asked me out!

Don’t worry, I only stroked his ego.

Last night was my date with Mr. Grocery Store. I will admit I had a little pre-date freak out thinking about it being my first date since the break up and longing for the comfort level of an old relationship and the person I so wished Lucky was… but he’s not, so I calmed down and took the first step toward really moving on.

Side note: I am unabashedly a TSwift fan again (I like the early “Tim McGraw” stage, but I couldn’t handle “Love Story” and jumped ship, but I just got back on) and just yesterday I heard her new “Begin Again” song and it felt fitting.

Anyway, so the date turned into a two+ phase date…four to be exact – check out my updated BINGO card :). His idea was to start with Mexican apps and margs, then sushi and sake, then froyo, then we heard live music and wandered into a mostly empty lounge for a listen and a nightcap. We went to a big center that had all of those things, so it was just a walking multi-phase date (I feel like the driving denotes more commitment). Every now and then, I really actually like a big, formal, go-ahead-and-try-to-woo-me type of date with men I’ve met organically somehow v. the job interview dates that usually come from online guys.

And it was nice, we didn’t run out of things to talk about and we didn’t end up talking too much about working out – something we both enjoy, but I hate to focus on during dates because I start to think the guy is one-dimensional and I have to assume he gets the same impression of me when that happens. We talked about things that would be great to do together and I had no concept of time during the evening – quite surprised we snuck into the yogurt shop right before I closed because it seemed like no time had gone by at all.

So, if the date had ended there, this post would end here and we’d all be happy and hopeful.  But, it doesn’t. I don’t really know what to say or even how to feel about the rest.

He walked me to my car (he had offered to pick me up, but I’m not cray cray) and we hugged, made plans for date #2 and then he kissed me. And it was nice, until he started to really kiss me.  To say his tongue was like a dead fish would be insulting to the sashimi I had in my mouth earlier in the evening.  It was much more exciting than that kiss.  I actually laughed a little and tried to push him away. Today he texted me that I have nice lips and then we talked on the phone and he said it was a great kiss and I just didn’t know what to do with that.

And if this story ended there, this post would end here and we’d all be a little disheartened, but we’d all think he did well enough for the whole rest of the evening to deserve a second chance. But it doesn’t.

I need to fill you in on some things I’ve left out of the story so far…he’s in great shape and from what he says, super active, but I could tell he was older. His hair is shaved short, you know how balding guys do it, and what’s there is pretty much all gray. During phase one, I decided he looked like Bruce Willis. An attractive man indeed, but Siri tells me Bruce Willis is 57.

All night, I caught myself saying things that made me feel like I was displaying my young age in an awkward way, but at some points I was maybe kinda trying to get him to ask me how old I am or tell me how old he is.  He didn’t. During the kiss, while I was laughing, I was also trying to figure out how it’s possible to be THAT old (age, still unknown) and such a bad kisser.

Anyway, I was curious, but not dying to know, I was more concerned with figuring out how I felt about the kiss bomb to be thinking about the age bomb that was about to go off. When we met at the store, I gave him my card, so he had my full name and I assumed he had done some online homework (who wouldn’t?) and this morning, I got a nice, little email from LinkedIn telling me that Mr. GS (+ his last name) had viewed my profile. Thank goodness for LI telling you who’s creeping on you, right? Of course, I jumped on Google and clicked on a YouTube video of a news story about him training to climb a big, snowy mountain…

At 1:02 in the video, the voiceover says, “48-year-old Mr. GS…”

Hold the fucking phone. It gets better. Did I mention the newscast was from 2009?! In 2009, I thought my 30-year-old boyfriend was robbing my 25-year-old cradle. What a difference three years makes.  And what a HUGE difference 23 years makes.

Thoughts I had today:

He is old enough to be my dad. (My parents were older when they had me, so he’s not actually my dad’s age, but he’s a heck of a lot closer to my dad’s age than mine.)

What if he has kids older than me? (We didn’t talk much about our pasts.)

I’ve never known a world without the keycards in hotels, but he has. (This was after one of those super weird stream of conscious thoughts, but that’s how old he is y’all.)

OMG OMG OMG, I kissed a man in his 50s.

Yes, age is just a number, but I’m not sure 51 is a number I want to deal with.

Well, it works for Bruce Willis. (She’s exactly 23 years younger too!)

And of course…at least he got a nice ego stroke out of going out with a hot 28-year-old.

So, there it is – the good, the bad and the old and decrepit. I’ve skeeved, but I don’t know if it’s a deal breaker, because it didn’t bother me until it was a real number and I do find him interesting and attractive. But dating just 10 years old hasn’t really worked out for me recently, and I’m trying to shoot for the 29-33 sweet spot. And 51 is a little off of that, you know? And while I don’t want to make assumptions, what a still-single man in his 50s and a hopeless romantic woman in her 20s are looking for are possibly worlds apart.

Is it a deal breaker? How would I even go about breaking the deal? It probably wouldn’t be shocking to him if it’s an issue for me, but it just seems petty and close-minded to judge him based on something other than who he is.

An East Coaster?

So, I think I got another bingo square. Think. I had lunch with a man from Virginia. I paid for my lunch and I would call him more of a Southerner than an East Coaster, but it’s been a long, hot, hard summer so I’m going to let me have my date with an East Coaster square. Gosh, thanks, me. You’re welcome, me…go ahead and take Friday off of work too, you deserve it.

I met this guy online a year and a half ago almost and through a series of random social media interactions, we started chatting again. He asked me how things went with the PoF guy, so THAT’s how long ago it was…the last PoF guy I was “breaking up” with others for was Non-Mush.  Anyway, he invited me to CrossFit (seriously those people are NUTS) and suggested we meet for lunch beforehand so we actually know each other – so not necessarily a romantic context, but I imagined it to be a no-pressure meeting that could have led to more if the following weren’t true:

If a man only smiles in pictures with his mouth closed, women need to take notice of this like men take notice of a woman who only posts pictures of herself from the chest up. She’s fat and he has bad teeth.

Besides the teeth thing I totally just filled in all the wrong blanks in pictures I saw of this guy. So much so that all I could think about during the meal was how I’ve never actually met someone who consistently photographs better than they look in person and I went back and looked at the pictures to make sure I was even thinking of the same guy. Again, I take blame because I filled in the blanks wrong AND I realize this makes me sound horribly superficial, but I’m not afraid to admit that looks are important and that guys aren’t the only ones who can stamp a big NO on someone in just a few minutes.

Talking about money in any context on a first date is awful. Bragging about how much something cost or how much you make or complaining about how much something cost or how little you make are equally awful. If he had been a MAYBE, the conversation would have made him a NO. 37 and cheap cheap cheap is not a good combination.

This is really the first time I’ve looked at the bingo card all summer, but I’m inspired. I know to meet men I have to get out and put out. A good, positive, available air that is, haha. Summer ends for me in October. I’ll see what kind of work I can get done!