But he’s SO cute.

I love HIMYM because it’s real and I can always relate it to my life. There’s an episode in which Barney describes the hot-crazy scale. A woman can be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. The first time I saw the episode, I wondered where I fell on the scale (I can admit I’m a little quirky), but now I realize it’s not just for chicks.

Last week, I signed up for Plenty of Fish (I know you see where this is going…this is obviously where all the crazies hang out). I was immediately over- and underwhelmed all at the same time, but I decided to actually give it a shot – a week – before bailing. Countless “hey” messages, too many emails from the westside and an unfortunate number of messages from younger guys filled up my inbox. Being on that site, the options are endless, so why would I waste time with a too-young guy who can’t write a decent message and lives an hour away? Delete, delete, delete.

I did manage to find a few decent guys, including one we’ll call Matt. Matt is mid-30s, a fit 6’3″ and if everyone supposedly looks like a celeb, he looks like Matt Damon (thus his super creative fake name). He works as a firefighter, but has a graduate degree and wrote a thoughtful first message. He seemed top-shelf for the site and I actually considered he was fake until he started bugging me to hang out. Not asking – bugging.

It came off as truly whiny and he was bugging me about it without actually asking me out for a specific day or time or activity – you know…like how NORMAL people make plans! I wanted to meet him, but I wasn’t going to cancel existing plans to do so and I wasn’t going to just stop by his work as he suggested because I’m not in high school. He told me I didn’t seem interested in meeting or learning about him. Womp, womp, womp.

Were we having out first fight?! Before we even met?!

So I had to have a CTJ with him about how dating works. He admittedly was a relationship guy and didn’t like dating. Ahem, because he’s BAD at it. Now, obviously I’m not the authority on the subject, but I know what works for me and generally I’ve found it vibes with most men as well. If there’s a spark, the guidelines all go out the window anyway and it just feels right and you don’t worry about it. It was not vibing with Matt.

He calmed down a bit, but still kept pushing, even on Saturday morning when we were meeting at 11. He sent me a text at 9:15 to ask if I could do earlier. Keep in mind, we had connected online I think on Wednesday and exchanged numbers on Thursday.

I told him I was starting a yoga class that got over at 10:45 and that’s when I’d be at the Starbucks across the street to meet him. So, yeah, that’s how excited I was about meeting this guy – I slid him in after a yoga class when I’d be sweaty and maybe a little stinky at the coffee shop I’d probably stop at on my way home anyway. He took note, but I don’t think he was all that offended.

Matt walked in a minute or so after me and looked just like his pictures – super cute, tall, solidly built. We got coffee, we grabbed a table outside, we had a conversation. Actually for about an hour and a half.

It was a normal date, but besides his super-quiet talking, something else was just a little off. Some of his conversation topics (past relationships), his future planning (I think he may have asked me to go with him to Oregon to his mom’s for Christmas?)…they just weren’t working. He was definitely trying to qualify me for this girlfriend position he apparently has open and I think he tried to have a CTJ with me about how I need to step it up and show interest.

I think I was distracted at the time – his eyes were beautiful, he had spectacular teeth and his shirt was just the right amount of tight – but I left feeling neither good nor bad about it. He bugged me to see each other again, but again without actually attempting to make plans. I again offered two days, he picked one.

On Tuesday, I realized we had talked over the weekend, but not on Monday and about that time got a “good morning, hope you have a good day” text from Matt. I responded with a “Thanks! You too!” And got an “okay, stranger.”

That was when I had to pull the trigger. I actually thought back and forth for a while, “he’s so cute…but he’s so weird…but he’s so cute, maybe he’s just awkward at first.” Ultimately I couldn’t get past it. I texted back to let him know while I appreciate his physical beauty and that we have things in common, we should skip Thursday because it wasn’t going to work out. He texted: “Agreed.”

Done and done.

I understand where he was coming from with his whining (although I obviously did not agree with his delivery)…he wanted to gauge chemistry and meet up and have me show interest, but you can’t force any of that and I really feel like he was trying to because we have similar interests and live somewhat close together and I think he liked my work schedule. Convenience does not a relationship make. And apparently neither does a guy just being really pretty to look at. It might have developed, but he didn’t give it any room to breathe, which is pretty much a flashing red flag that it is not going to work! He apparently saw it too, so why was he pushing it?!

Dating Down?

Please excuse me while I talk about how gorgeous I am (even more so than I would normally).

On my way to work this morning I caught the DJs talking about a recent study saying that relationships in which the woman is more attractive than the man are “doomed.”

My first reaction was, no, that’s not true.  Relationships, for women, are emotional and if they found the man they trust and love, they will stick with him, regardless of whether she could “do better.” Once pictures of me and Rebel hit Facebook, I heard from a college girlfriend who told me I could do better, but I explained to her that he was nice to me and I enjoyed his company.

I started thinking about some of the things I’ve heard from men I’ve dated recently.  TGISWOTSD told me I’d end up with someone better looking than him.  Mr. No Name asked me if I had low self-esteem because of what I had told him was my type – tall, bigger, “husky” even, a little rough around the edges.  I love me a manly man. 

More Marshall than Barney...not that I would complain if I were Lily right there!

I got closure on my last serious relationship when I remembered something he had said to me early on.  He told me that I could go out any night of the week and find a man to go home with.  I was really attracted to that boyfriend and completely enchanted during our high highs (being two Leos meant we also had low lows) and going out to find someone else to sleep with was nowhere on my mind. 

I thought it was just a nice way of him saying he thought I was hot and he felt lucky to be with me.  After a lot of jealous fights and breakups, I realized that’s not what he meant.  He meant he actually thought I WOULD do that.  That insecurity was his problem, not mine, so I realized I couldn’t have done anything else about it.

But, when I started to think about that side of aesthetically unbalanced relationships, I can see where the study makes sense.  With two emotionally healthy individuals, I don’t think an imbalance would make a difference, but if insecurity comes into play, perhaps doomed is accurate.

Either way, since my friend’s comment about Rebel, I’m making a point to go after men who are more on my level, which is especially easy at the buffet that is online dating.  I’ve done the “personality cute” guys, now it’s time to step it up to “I want to bang them 24/7” guys.