On My Own, Pretending He’s NOT Beside Me

I’ve had some great experiences in the past few weeks because I started saying yes. Not like that, dirty ones. I unfortunately spent the past year feeling very isolated and lonely and kinda boring because I was in a relationship in which I was the only one in that relationship and I didn’t go out and I didn’t really do things. Funny how a little time and distance can give you such perspective, although truth be told, I knew it in it, but wasn’t really to admit it or give up or who knows what else.

One of those experiences was dating a 51/52-year-old man and while, yeah, it was kinda fun, it wasn’t going anywhere and for me that’s my cue to exit. However, on our last date I got the full-court press to “be together” and “enjoy it for what it is” and “have fun” and “learn from each other what we’re meant to learn because obviously we were put into each other’s lives for a reason” all with “respect and care for each other” because we have “great chemistry.”

Translation, “I’m old and the fact that I’ve kept you somewhat interested for three dates has given me the idea that I might get lucky, so can I please, please have sex with your 28-year-old self?” No. “How ’bout now?” No.

I politely told him we’re better off as friends, he pushed still and asked what I was looking for, to which I kind of surprised myself by responding, “I’m looking for a big spark that leads to a relationship that leads to marriage and an exceptional life that includes babies.” I think my surprise was in that when he first asked I was like, “oh shit, I don’t know” and then I realize that yeah I do and it’s simple and shouldn’t be a lot to ask for and I might as well put it out there in the universe.

I think women get a bad rep as being wedding- and baby-crazy, but I didn’t say, “I want to get married next month and pregnant by the end of the year,” it’s just an optimal, long-term plan, but you have to start somewhere. Mr. GS’s flaw wasn’t that I didn’t think he’d want to get married or that I was afraid he couldn’t get it up to become a dad, it was just that there was a medium spark, bigger than I’ve had in a while, but it wasn’t IT. I don’t write men off for not being IT right away, but as soon as I know they’re NOT IT, I’m ready to move on, and yeah it happens quickly, as it should.

OMG, I might be crazy…does that even make sense? The difference between not IT and NOT IT?! I’m sure you’ve been there!

Anyway, after THIS convo was when he gave me that full court press and I just kinda kept thinking, but WHY? The relationship had outrun its usefulness. That might sound cold, but I don’t need to be with the first guy who comes along, I can wait and I like to be alone. Not any more or any less than I like to be with someone, but I don’t mind it. On my own, I get to do my weird single behaviors, I get to train, work when I want, hang out with my dog and say YES to life without checking with someone else first. Mr. GS and a lot of men I run into online seem to hate being alone, but that’s not my problem!

[Blogging breakthrough! While writing this, I realized I may be protecting myself from getting into the same situation I had with Lucky – emotional attachment to a relationship that’s not going anywhere – by jumping out quickly, but I don’t think I’d be afraid to jump IN if it was right.]

Sometimes I worry I’ve been single (or as good as single) for so long that I’ll be a disaster in a relationship, but for now I think it helps. I don’t miss it enough to go diving into the first thing that comes along to get back to it. I can say thanks, but no thanks to guys who try to get too familiar too fast and the relationship will progress naturally (which, for me is quasi-traditionally).

Are women better at being alone than men? Do you stick around to have fun in the moment in a relationship you know is not right for you?


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