Lucky and I had coffee on Sunday. It was wonderful to see him again and sit across from him in the sunshine and talk about the little things you talk about as a couple. It’s only been a week, but we skipped a lot of the texts and emails and phone calls that start with, “I saw/heard/thought this and it made me think of you,” or “this is going on in my life and you’re my person I want to tell.”
I think when you’re going through a break up or a break, it’s easy to miss those things because you’re used to them or it’s easy to be disappointed about the time you put into the relationship and upset that you have to now face going back into the dating game and exposing yourself and getting to know someone from the bottom up all over again. I’ve been guilty of that myself, but as I drove to the coffee shop – set up with a simple text of “coffee? meet you there at 10:30?” because we have a shop that’s “ours” as cutesy and annoying as that is – I realized it’s not that this time. I missed him. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m a little ruthless when it comes to dating and he’s lasted as long as he has because he’s special and he’s important to me.
It led to me wanting to talk to my dad again and get to the bottom of some of the issues. So, last night, my dad and I sat awkwardly in the courtyard of some shopping center near me and tried to have a talk.
I wanted to talk, but he kind of just wanted to apologize and say he can’t change anything and say that we’ll see where it goes from here. I had no ideal in my mind of how I wanted things to go, but I did want it to be more of a conversation and I was disappointed that it wasn’t. I know we can’t change the past, but we can talk about what happened to avoid it in the future. I’m sick of not talking about things in the family, but he’s been that way for 61 years and I guess it’s not going to change.
Either way, I did the best I could and gathered more information and now can move forward with it. I know it was very uncomfortable for my dad to sit there and have that conversation with me. No one has ever really called him on his bullshit, especially not his own daughter, but he handled it okay.
So, lots of talks in the last couple days and I feel much better that we’re not just sitting on the issues or sweeping them under the rug.
Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. – Benjamin Disraeli