So, I was going to call this “Say What You Need To Say” and then my permalink put a 2 after it, reminding me that apparently that title is so May 4th of me. I blame John Mayer, but this phrase has become somewhat of a mantra to me since the song came out and I was reminded of it by Plum Petals’ supportive comments on my last few posts.
Obviously I’m one to spill how I feel all over the internet, but when it’s time to get real and say what I need to say to people in my life, it’s more difficult. I was thinking about the conversation I had with my dad and how I was kind of surprised I was able to do it. I didn’t do it well, but I did it.
I finally responded to my dad and tried to take into consideration that he still isn’t really admitting fault because I know talking in circles…
me: you did it on purpose.
him: no, I didn’t.
me: you did.
…never gets you anywhere. I let him know I just wished he had realized how important it was to me that they meet and how things could be different if he had taken the chance to get to know Lucky before judging him.
I also said that I wasn’t the only one who noticed and was offended. Maybe he didn’t realize it wasn’t just about how I perceived it and how I felt. I really don’t want to spell out for him that he needs to apologize. A normal person would reach out. Again, I don’t expect it.
Anyway, I think in this mess of a situation, there’s one more thing that I need to say. I believe that you have to ask for what you want or you’re most likely (like 99%) not going to get it.
I’ll put it out there for him and the universe that I want to make it work. I feel more empowered by that than by passively sitting by and feeling like the victim. At that point, I’ve done the best I can do and then I can feel better about having to wait to see where the dust settles.