If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?

Quick recap:  My sister is getting married next month.  In the year that she’s been engaged, she has become a self-consumed bridezilla.  My parents are also eating, sleeping and breathing the wedding.  I’ve been avoiding the fam because I’m over it.  I’m over it because she’s a self-consumed bridezilla, there are more important things in life and my feelings are hurt because she asked her best friend to be her maid of honor over me (I’m a bridesmaid).  Got it?  Good.  Moving on.

Yesterday, I got an email (an email?!) from my sister asking if I would be willing to/comfortable/okay with giving a toast at the blessed event. I sat on it for a while because, well, that’s a duty for the maid of honor.  She even mentioned in the email that the best man was giving the other toast. 

Finally, I responded that I had believed I was off the hook for the speech, but if the MOH had declined, I’d be fine to give one. 

She responded that the MOH would be okay to give one or not, but her preference was that I give the toast. Well…maybe she should have thought of that when she was selecting her attendants.

I said fine.  I’m not sure I meant it.  Obviously, she’s not my favorite person right now.  I’m concerned I won’t have anything heartfelt to say. 

I’m concerned the uncomfortable emotions I’ve been feeling toward her and my family and the event will be overwhelming on the big day.  I am already embarrassed that I’m standing up as a bridesmaid and I’m concerned I’m going to feel embarrassed getting up to speak for my sister who didn’t want me to be her MOH.

On the flip side, I’m concerned if I DON’T do it, I’ll regret missing the once-in-a-lifetime (?) opportunity to toast my sister on her wedding day.

She asked because the venue needed to know, so I feel like it’s a time-sensitive issue (because heaven forbid you ask the DJ to change the announcement with anything less than two weeks notice), but I can’t figure out the right answer.  If I change my mind, I imagine she’ll be more upset about the fact that I’m messing up the plans than concerned that I’m hurting.  Maybe that’s enough to decide right there.

What would you do?

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2 thoughts on “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?

  1. Oh that’s a tough one. I was worried about having to give a toast at the wedding I was in on the 17th precisely because I could never say anything nice about the groom. Luckily there weren’t any toasts. I was also worried about saying anything at my sister’s wedding due to her reaction when I toasted her engagement. Again there were no toasts.

    Do you think you could start with a funny angle and maybe work that more than serious or sappy? I’m not talking 27 Dresses funny-mean or Wedding Crashers funny-sarcastic…but just something cute?

    Honestly, I’d say that if I didn’t want to do it…I would just decline. I certainly know that if I didn’t feel like I could come up with anything nice/funny/sweet that I would decline. I’d already feel awkward from the whole just a bridesmaid thing and added to all the extra stress…I don’t know if I could trust myself to say what should be said in such a way as to convince people that I was happy for her and not wishing that I was anywhere but there.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  2. As you Blog states: Doing the best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next.

    Remember: Love Never Fails.

    This is your sister’s moment. Stress can cause us to act crazy at times and she is totally absorbed in herself right now…but this will pass and you have an excellent opportunity to take the high road. Be the Sister you should be: Loving, supportive, kind and FORGIVING.

    And find the humor in all of it. Laugh and enjoy the craziness…Be a spectator. Enjoy the insanity from the sidelines and don’t take it personally. A Maid of Honor is a short-lived thing. A Sister is forever.

    Wishing you all the best. Let us know what happens.

    Truly, Tamie

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