Friends and Phones

This is one of those, oh gosh, 22-year-old MJ was so silly stories.  So, when I was 22, I met a guy.  On our first date he was actually kind of wonderful, but early on I discovered he had quite an affinity for his Blackberry.  He had kind of a 24/7 job, so whatever, but then there was the fact that sometimes I would call or text and get nothing.  Um, I’ve spent time with you  so I KNOW you are attached at the hip to that thing.  Anyway, I still dated him, he was shady, it ended.

I think most people in my generation are the same way.  90% of the time, I have my phone with me and I will respond.  Sometimes I turn it off, sometimes I leave it behind, sometimes I forget it’s on silent and in my purse until I try to look for it a few hours later, but VERY often, I have it. 

Not only do I have my phone, but it’s my email times two, it pings me if someone sends me a Facebook message (I don’t have the app downloaded because I don’t want a notification every time someone “likes” something or whatnot, but I still do log in and check it often) or tweets me and I recently downloaded Yahoo! Messenger.  Need to get a hold of me?  You’ve got me!

So my question is, in this technologically connected world, WHEN can you get mad/upset/concerned about an unanswered message?

If you send someone a Facebook message and then you see they’re doing other stuff on FB and still haven’t responded to you?

If you send a text (with a question..texts without don’t require responses, duh) and don’t hear back within 15 minutes?  At the end of the work day?  Within a few hours if it’s the weekend?

If you call (and leave a message) and don’t hear back?

I’ve found my thresholds when it comes to potentials who are slacking on communication (particularly when it’s the beginning of something and he SHOULD be excited and SHOULD be on his best behavior), but why do I let these questions linger in regards to friends?

Everyone is different, but once you figure out a person’s average time, you can figure out where you are in the pecking order based on how quickly you get a response.

Specifically, my “best friend.”  This is the relationship I have finally given up on and said I made peace with, but it still sucks.  He thinks he’s busy and is a little spacey, so he was usually a few-hours responder, then it turned into a day or so.  Last week?  I sent him a message on Monday giving him my schedule for the week so that we could try to meet up for a happy hour we always talk about.  A week later and nothing.

And yeah, similarly to my gem of an ex, he is constantly on his phone if we hang out.  I’m no angel when it comes to this either, but seriously, what is society coming to?  We are so rude!  And what did people do during awkward silences when no one had cell phones?  Anyway, he has an iPhone and it’s love. 

Also, answer me this…why do people who have iPhones feel the need to say iPhone all the time?  It’s like, “Oh, I lost my iPhone, but then I found my iPhone.”  Or “Oh man, I jumped in the pool and totally forgot my iPhone was in my pocket and now my iPhone is wrecked and I have to go get a new iPhone.”  I’m not all about, “Hit me up on my Droid 2.” Or “So, I was texting him on my Droid 2.” 

I love the saying that goes something like, don’t make someone your priority if you are just their option, and again, I do okay with it in romantic relationships, but it’s different to forgive a friend, forget it happened, hang out, have fun, get ignored again, lather, rinse, repeat.

Okay, it’s not. It’s the same thing and it sucks.

4 thoughts on “Friends and Phones

  1. My best friend did the same thing to me, which is why we’re not friends anymore. I was supposed to be her MOH in her wedding, but not anymore, I guess. She’s ignored me for about three months. I realize life is busy, but if she’s still able to get on FB to like statuses, certainly she can call me. It was too hurtful of a situation, so I unfriended her and deleted her number from my phone. I think a few days or so is normal in today’s society, but if you feel like a person is constantly blowing you off, you’ve gotta let them go. It hurts too much otherwise.

  2. It’s amazing to thing that we, as a society, survived the dark days when correspondence would take days, weeks, sometimes even months (if overseas) to travel. Yes, I poke fun a little, but (and maybe this makes me an old-soul), I sometimes think that the expectation of instantaneous response to any message we send has gotten a little out of control. People get busy, technology sometimes fails and messages get dropped, sometimes people are down or depressed or angry and just not in the mood to answer e-mails or texts. So I tend to do it all with a grain of salt. Right now, even, I have a friend I e-mail regularly with, but I haven’t heard from in a couple of days. It doesn’t worry me in the least, and I don’t take it as a slight on our friendship or me. It happens.

    Another idea to consider, only because its happened to me: there are so many ways to communicate now (phone, text, email, twitter, FB, yadda yadda), and so many messages coming in from so many sources that sometimes it’s overwhelming. In those situations, I sorta push everything away for a bit unless it’s an emergency.

    Then, I go for a hike. 🙂

  3. I have a best friend who will read my messages (that’s to bbm, you can see when someone reads your message) and will wait a couple hours/a few days to respond. It drives me nuts!

    My ex was very much the same. He would be on his phone all the time, but when it came to responding to me, he always seemed to “forget” his phone, or have it on silent. I think that’s an indicator of a failing relationship.

    P.S I love your blog!

    • Thanks! I used to have a Blackberry and seeing the R by my BBM with no response drove me nuts too! Your ex sounds as shady as mine!

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