Somewhere out there, some poor man is not getting his oh-my-god-my-girlfriend-wore-heels-to-bed-and-we-had-the-sex-I-am-going-to-fantasize-about-at-least-until-the-next-time-she-does-something-amazingly-hot sex.  Because he is hiding from me.

My awesome second October bride bought and sent all of her bridesmaids shoes for the wedding.  She wanted us to be matchy-matchy mostly for the ceremony and pictures.  

I was excited when the sexy 4.5″ heels arrived at my door, the perfect pick-me-up for a Monday!  Although beyond wearing them around the house, I guess I kind of have to wait FIVE months to wear them…why do people have such long engagements?!

In an email chain that looped in a few of the other bridesmaids, I thanked the bride for the fuck-me heels and let her know that any single groomsmen didn’t stand a chance.

Another bridesmaid friend seconded that, but I’m not sure she really meant it.  Her groomsman boyfriend actually ASKED her to wear them to bed and she said she just glared at him.

So, here’s my question…why does SHE get a boyfriend if she’s not even going to play with him?

Okay. I’m feeling bitterly single these days.  I see plenty of fat, ugly women with horrible personalities* in seemingly loving relationships and can’t help but wonder what is wrong with me. 

Recently I caught SATC while on the treadmill and it was an episode around the beginning of Charlotte and Trey’s relationship.  The day after, while feeling down, I realized I needed to channel my inner Charlotte. 

She wants love, someone special and ultimately to get married, but note that sandwiched in there was “someone special.”  And yeah, she FUBARed it the first time around, but I dig her dating style.  She’s demure, but didn’t put up with shit just for the sake of having someone adore her. 

There’s nothing wrong with me aside from the fact that I know what I deserve and I’m going for, er, waiting for it.

*I say this because “you think I’m fat and ugly with a horrible personality” is a thing with this group of wedding ladies.  I can admit that I can be judgemental, but mostly my thoughts when I see happy couples are not that specific. They are more along the lines of, “Really?  Her?” Kinda like when, in a moment of weakness, I FBed TGISWOTSD and saw him with a particularly plain looking gal. Whatever tickles your pickle, dude.

3 thoughts on “F.M.H.

  1. A). You are effing beautiful.
    B). If you were near me, I would prefer you without the “fuck-me” heels….(something intimate about a girl in nothing but her skin).
    C). There are a lot of us who are bitterly single…i am happy Im not bitter, however I am single…and it’s ok..i’m enjoying life until the amazing woman comes along and wants love so badly that she proves it…no second chances here…
    D). Remember when I called you effing beautiful? I meant it..

    If you can’t have an amazing weekend after knowing you inspired those words, then you’re right….you’re bitter baby…


  2. Glad I found your Blog, and I enjoyed reading some past posts. “Somewhere out there, some poor man is not getting his oh-my-god-my-girlfriend-wore-heels-to-bed-and-we-had-the-sex-I-am-going-to-fantasize-about-at-least-until-the-next-time-she-does-something-amazingly-hot sex. Because he is hiding from me.” really caught my attention; great opening!

    I have added on my Blog “The Next Moment” to the list of Blogs I follow, and I hope my readers will stop by.


  3. I once asked my best and longest friend, after many years of self-struggle, what was “wrong with me” that I was still single. She told me that, as far as she could tell, nothing was and that, in her opinion, I simply had bad luck. I have learned over twenty years not to argue with her about such things (and not only because she happens to have a black belt, but that fact does provide motivation).

    In so far as I can tell, there’s nothing wrong with you; you’re the kind of girls that guys look for (desperately). I can’t even say you have bad luck; you’re too young for that to be a factor yet. I hope the bitterness is a short-lived thing (and remember, you do have a standing offer to drown it in beer). You’re a catch who’s just waiting for the right fisherman, and he’s is probably just around the corner.

    And if you’d like to invite me to the wedding to observe all the lovely bridesmaids in their fancy heels, that’d be just awesome. 😉

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