Abstinence is a pain in the neck.

I have been to two chiropractors four times in a week and a half.  My back/shoulder/neck is still in just as much pain as it was when I started.  I moved my desk around so that there’s 0% strain to work at my computer.  I’ve been hitting the Advil pretty hard and spent much of this morning researching acupuncture and cupping before settling on a deep tissue massage.

As I was prone on the table listening to the masseuse’s mix CD turned up awkwardly loud to drown out the sounds of the gym that the clinic was attached to (and also listening to the sounds of the gym  because the CD wasn’t working), I wondered just how many 26-year-old women end up on that table because they’re on the cusp of breaking their very own no-sex record.

I usually just say I carry a lot of stress in my shoulders and that every now and then I need someone to help me pull them away from my ears (meaning the chiropractor, not a tall, dark and handsome man and his penis) but it’s bad this time around and that’s the only thing I can think of!

Sex not only helps reduce stress, the oxytocin and endorphins released during the mattress mambo are pain reducers as well.  Hello!  Need some of that in my life.

I’ve debated back and forth between doing it just to do it and holding out for another six months and throwing a party to commemorate my first year as a born again virgin.

Luckily for me, until one wins out, I learned a long time ago that exercise releases endorphins, endorphins make you happy and happy people don’t kill their husbands.  They just don’t.  Hopefully happy people also don’t need to keep spending $150 weekly on medical treatment. 

Condoms are much cheaper.  A LOT of condoms are still much cheaper.  That’s A LOT of sex + oxytocin + endorphins. 

However, since oxytocin has this other, more obnoxious effect on me, tonight I’m just going with beer, a heating pad and my favorite new show, Happy Endings.


5 thoughts on “Abstinence is a pain in the neck.

  1. If the endorphins work for you, by all means go for it, at least as a stop-gap measure. They’ve never done anything for me, and no matter how hard I work out, I’ve never experienced “runners-high”. Not even when I reach the top of a peak after a long hike (I suspect that feeling is lightheadedness from the thin air).

    Beer, though, is always a welcome thing. Heck, if you’re ever in L.A., I’ll buy you a round.

    • I’m in LA often(ish). I will hold you to that! When I was a freshman in college, a few girls down the hall went hiking in the Santa Monica Mountains, got lost and airlifted out. Pretty much it scarred me for life and I never took advantage of the hiking there (except in the easy peasy nature preserves by my campus), so perhaps you can be my guide for a hike too!

    • Haha, I bet B appreciates that! Did you ever watch Gilmore Girls? I also love a quote from one of those episodes when Jess asks Rory why she ran away from him and she says, “the president says to exercise and I’m very patriotic.” Anything that gets me going works for me!

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