Remember the guy who came to the pool after I’d had a few too many and how we planned to go out this week to actually have a date?
I really wanted to like him. He looked like Prince Charming. He looked a little like TGISWOTSD. I might have issues. My friend called me later that night while she was out and perhaps a little drunk (again) and asked me what happened to him and told me he was fat, which, yeah, maybe, but I kinda like that. Big, I call it, remember? He has a good job, he’s smart, he’s older, he’s easy going, he’s funny and he’s romantic (okay, maybe I’m assuming that based on the Prince Charming thing, but a
girl woman can hope).
Anyway, totally wanted to like him, so even though I felt so over dating, I was excited for the date. Until he texted me three hours before.
Because I had wrecked our first planned date, I was okay being flexible, but now we’re even. Let’s face it, this guy got a decent deal at the pool anyway – he didn’t have to pay for any of my drinks, he saw me seven-eighths of the way naked and he copped a bit of a feel.
He had to cover a meeting for his boss and could we reschedule for Thursday?
No, I’m an honorary Mexican and will be celebrating Cinco de Mayo.
(Okay, this was NOT true when I told him that, but I LOVE Cinco de Mayo and would much rather spend it with friends than on a first date. Who even goes on a first date – presumably to a bar or lounge – on a major drinking holiday anyway? I knew something would come up so I left tonight open and am currently on my way out the door to revel with some ladies for at least a little bit!)
Friday? Another pool day on Saturday? No, seeing a band on Friday and I already have a pool party that you’re not invited to (I didn’t say that, but I don’t intend to invite him to another pool day) on Saturday.
Just because I’m flexible doesn’t mean I’m readily available.
Okay, well the meeting will get over at like eight and it’s up in my area anyway, could he call me and we could meet up then?
Instead of the date, I was going to the gym after work and meeting up after that meant two showers. I don’t like getting ready twice in one day so I had to seriously contemplate this. Water, environment, lazy, my poor hair, my diminishing supply of $1.99 huge bottle of L.A. Looks hair gel (seriously it is the best shit out there for these curls).
But, he looks like Prince Charming and I’d already kinda met him and he wasn’t awful.
The law is, however, if I don’t get ready, assuming he won’t call (wow, I have such faith in men), he will and if I do get ready thinking he’ll call, he won’t. This actually is the case with friends too.
I got ready, he didn’t call. EVERY time I’m right! I gave him a window before crashing early and assumed I might have a text when I woke up. Nada.
The next day? Nada.
Today? A just about first thing in the morning “Happy Cinco” text.
Sorry, dude, that’s just unoriginal. I’ve dated you before. You know, the guy who blows you off and then disappears until he thinks you’ve forgotten about it and reappears without any mention of it?
It worked for the last guy, but I was 23 and I’ve since learned my lesson. You, my supposed Prince Charming, are a frog. Thank you for validating my decision to call off the mission.