Back in the Trenches

I feel a little silly being upset over the end of a mini-non-relationship with Non-Mush.  BUT, I’m watching a good friend go through the beginning of a new relationship – that started around the same time mine never did, ouch – and I realized if things had continued to swim along, I’d be equally as thrilled about it as I am now bummed about it. 

Plus, it’s okay to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.

Maybe it’s not the loss of the relationship specifically, because it wasn’t necessarily anything yet, but the loss of what it could have been, what I wanted it to be, what I thought it might be.

I’m making him a guidepost, a reminder of the quality of guy I deserve, the excitement I should feel at the beginning of something. 

I’m taking my lessons – 1. when it feels right, go all in so you’re left with no regrets, 2. trust your intuition and call a guy on his B.S. when he needs it – and moving on.  Maybe, kinda.*

Well, moving on but totally lamenting the fact that I now have to kiss twelve more frogs until the next good one.  I’m not saying this because JWOWW told me so, I’m saying this because I’ve lived it and it’s true. 

TGISWOTSD —> Non-Mush = FIVE months and approximately 12 other men (not all of whom I actually kissed, it’s just a saying people)!

There are A LOT of men out there.  Most are not for me, but there’s only one way to sort through them to find my Prince Charming.  I’ve got to get in the trenches. 

But you know what?  I don’t wanna.  I mean, yes, I will and honestly, I do want to, but with more focus on the Prince Charming part, less on the trenches part. 

For now, I’m completely overwhelmed by the rigmarole of online dating and the sheer volume of idiots / jerks / douches on the sites.  The whole concept is just not sitting well with me right now and I have no clue where to start to meet a man organically.  Okay, well I have some idea, but planning is very different from execution. 

When my desire to get out there again comes back, I’ve got my post-breakup hair and post-breakup bod ready to go.

To quote one of my fav movies…”head up, young person.”

*Maybe, kinda because I’m straddling a fence right now.  Part of me wants to say, “if you don’t want me in your life [romantically], you don’t get me in your life [at all].”

Another part is piecing bits of our last conversation together and thinking this is a bump, a feeling out period and that we actually could be great together.  For that part of me, it still feels right to give it another shot with Non-Mush. 

I realize that if I was paying attention I wouldn’t think that was an option, but this falls in the no regrets category and even though looking into my magic ball, I assume I’ll find a man who makes me wonder why I ever wasted my time, I don’t want to what-if this situation.


10 thoughts on “Back in the Trenches

  1. Ugh… I just read your other post about him coming over for dinner.

    Guys suck. Pretty much had a very similar conversation after FOUR AND A HALF YEARS… It all boils down to men being complete pussies.

    Something about this generation of guys… I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back… but don’t hang out with him in the mean time… you are right, he doesn’t deserve that… and that’s the battle I’m waging on with the only man I’ve ever loved and spent the last 4.5 years with.

    We deserve the best…and they can’t go half way and expect for you to still be there. 100% or nothing!

    • I think you’re on to something with the “this generation of guys.” I also think you’re right about not hanging out with him. We definitely deserve the best and men who make us a priority and make an effort!

  2. …”the sheer volume of idiots / jerks / douches on the sites.” As a guy, of course, I have the exact opposite problem when it comes to the idea of internet dating: trying to stand out in a crowd full of those guys!

    But I think what you say is right: you shouldn’t waste tie on something that isn’t right. (Yes, that could be *cough* the voice of experience.) Good luck out there…

    • I’m always excited when I land on a guy on a site who seems genuine and like there’s something different and special about him. They just seem to be few and far between! I have no idea what my competition on these sites looks like, but I’ve heard horror stories and hope I’m making myself stand out as well!

      • If there was any way you could transform your “101 in 1001” list into an online dating profile, you’d definitely stand out. Heck, if I saw that profile I’d probably ask you out myself! (You know, if it weren’t for the whole age-difference/distance/etc. thing. LOL)

      • My profile definitely stands out (to the men who actually read it instead of just reading the pictures, that is) because I’ve recently updated it to include the good the bad and the ugly and I feel like it’s actually real, but the problem seems to be standing out to the wrong men!

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