I feel a little silly being upset over the end of a mini-non-relationship with Non-Mush. BUT, I’m watching a good friend go through the beginning of a new relationship – that started around the same time mine never did, ouch – and I realized if things had continued to swim along, I’d be equally as thrilled about it as I am now bummed about it.
Plus, it’s okay to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.
Maybe it’s not the loss of the relationship specifically, because it wasn’t necessarily anything yet, but the loss of what it could have been, what I wanted it to be, what I thought it might be.
I’m making him a guidepost, a reminder of the quality of guy I deserve, the excitement I should feel at the beginning of something.
I’m taking my lessons – 1. when it feels right, go all in so you’re left with no regrets, 2. trust your intuition and call a guy on his B.S. when he needs it – and moving on. Maybe, kinda.*
Well, moving on but totally lamenting the fact that I now have to kiss twelve more frogs until the next good one. I’m not saying this because JWOWW told me so, I’m saying this because I’ve lived it and it’s true.
TGISWOTSD —> Non-Mush = FIVE months and approximately 12 other men (not all of whom I actually kissed, it’s just a saying people)!
There are A LOT of men out there. Most are not for me, but there’s only one way to sort through them to find my Prince Charming. I’ve got to get in the trenches.
But you know what? I don’t wanna. I mean, yes, I will and honestly, I do want to, but with more focus on the Prince Charming part, less on the trenches part.
For now, I’m completely overwhelmed by the rigmarole of online dating and the sheer volume of idiots / jerks / douches on the sites. The whole concept is just not sitting well with me right now and I have no clue where to start to meet a man organically. Okay, well I have some idea, but planning is very different from execution.
When my desire to get out there again comes back, I’ve got my post-breakup hair and post-breakup bod ready to go.
To quote one of my fav movies…”head up, young person.”
*Maybe, kinda because I’m straddling a fence right now. Part of me wants to say, “if you don’t want me in your life [romantically], you don’t get me in your life [at all].”
Another part is piecing bits of our last conversation together and thinking this is a bump, a feeling out period and that we actually could be great together. For that part of me, it still feels right to give it another shot with Non-Mush.
I realize that if I was paying attention I wouldn’t think that was an option, but this falls in the no regrets category and even though looking into my magic ball, I assume I’ll find a man who makes me wonder why I ever wasted my time, I don’t want to what-if this situation.