I have a story I tell about puking. It’s not like a, “I got so sloppy drunk and then I puked all over my friend’s car” kind of story. It’s – what I thought was – a humorous story about orange juice +my chronic lateness + a fire drill + a deaf teacher + the awkwardness of high school. It has all the makings, right?
I don’t remember the last time I told this story. I guess I generally use it as a “most embarrassing moment” go-to.
HOWEVER…I never will again.
And this is why:
I was planning on hiking this weekend and Good Luck J has been asking me for a second date so I asked him if he wanted to go hiking with me because it’s not too dateish, it could just be low key. Or so I thought.
We were texting back and forth about it and then he called me. I’m not used to a man who even KNOWS that his phone has that function, so I thought it was a little weird from a few angles.
We chatted for a bit. He asked me where I was hiking and I told him my crazy ass plan and then he said, “well, the reason I asked is because – and I thought this would be too hard to explain over text – I’ve only been hiking once. And I had to stop because it was tough and the girl I was with, well, she was a friend, and she took off running to the top, and I ended up throwing up.”
TMI. And perhaps it’s his funny throwing up story. Except it’s not funny. It’s gross.
Acceptable answers would have been:
“Wow, I’m actually super busy this weekend.”
Even, “hiking’s not really my thing.”
Or something totally ridiculous, like, “I used to be a twice-weekly hiker, but the last time I went, I saw a man fall to his death. That was five years ago and I haven’t been since.”
Puking while hiking = not something you tell a girl you are trying to date (especially one who’s into fitness AND is inevitably going to judge you for being unfit enough to puke while engaging in physical activity).
I had been planning on sending a message to my new Facebook friend (who, remember, I have a bit of a crush on) and asking him if he wanted to hit the trails with little old me because I haven’t been in a while and he has a ton of hiking pictures on his profile (oh, how my inner-princess loves to play the damsel in distress).
However, my convo with GLJ was perfectly timed to make me reconsider. What if I couldn’t hang and I ended up throwing up? Facebook crush cannot be witness to that. Nor will he ever hear the epic story of how I signed to my teacher that I was going to throw up. Okay maybe someday. It’s hilarious!