Oh HELL no. That did not just happen.

What didn’t just happen, you ask?

I did not have a (very realistic) dream that I was pregnant. I blame Bridezilla my sister.  We went bridesmaid dress shopping over the weekend and not only is her other bridesmaid (her soon-to-be sister-in-law) pregnant, she has total baby brain, so pregnancy was a dominant conversation theme. 

Yes, the woman who is having a 14-month engagement is already plotting her 2-month wedding-to-knocked up turnaround.  And she bought a mom car last week. I’m assuming the mom jeans are next.  Perhaps that’s just how competitive I am.  Ha!  I’ll show her, I’ll great dream-pregnant and push one out first! 

I don’t have them ALL that often, but pregnancy dreams used to scare me.  You know, back when I was getting some?  I was in no way ready for a baby and was always concerned that it was my subconscious’ way of telling me I was, in fact, with child.  Yeah, totally not getting any and totally not prego.

I did not miss my ex-ex-boyfriend recently and consider emailing him to tell him that I was sorry and wrong and that he was right, my recent decision to go for what I deserve in love was really just me flirting with bitchiness and we should get back together and I’ll be a good little wifey, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

I did not then think about how TGISWOTSD was supposed to get me over the ex-ex and then get kinda sad about him too.  But with way less desire (like none) to contact him.  Funny how the [quasi-]good guy is easier to stay away from than the toxic one. Probably because one of the last things TGISWOTSD said to me was that he just didn’t see our relationship going where I did and one of the last things the ex-ex told me was that I was his one.  Who doesn’t want to be wanted?

I did not consider just sleeping with Rebel and getting it over with in an attempt to make a rebound actually work for me for once because I know that replacing a hurt with a disappointment doesn’t actually work for me.

I did not get propositioned for sex on OK Cupid.  I mean, there’s absolutely NO WAY I actually got a message that said “so would ya hook up if it was worth it enough?Ive kinda had a fantasy but havent had a chance for it to happen.”  Horrible sentence structure aside, ew. 

I did not realize today is my half-birthday in a mild panic.  Or maybe if I did, I realized that six months is long and I’ve got some time to become even more awesome before I turn 27.

Nope, none of that stuff happened.  I have a completely normal and healthy subconscious and love life.

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