Rebel was playing it a little loose and free the other night and it came out that at work, people have been telling him just how volatile my relationship with my ex who also worked there was. And how I let him walk all over me and mistreat me.
Ouch. I knew it was a bad relationship, but to know that other people saw it and (still!) talk about it behind my back somehow makes it worse.
Rebel’s reaction to people telling him about the doormat I was, beyond that he doesn’t want to hear it (because he doesn’t want to be compared to past boyfriends and he doesn’t think it’s a fair way to learn about my relationship history), is that he doesn’t really believe it. To him, I’m not the girl who would let a guy treat her like that, who doesn’t know what she’s worth.
I love the saying, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,” but Second Chances could be my middle name. My biggest fear in pursuing a romantic relationship in 2011 is that I’ll repeat past mistakes, stay with jerks and let them treat me as such. I hope I’m not that girl anymore and in my single moments I don’t feel like I am, but I’m not sure the transition can actually be made that quickly.
I’m a pretty trusting person and I have a (probably child-like) belief that most people are good. I’m not big on “you have to EARN my trust” because I don’t think that’s fair; it’s bringing old baggage into a new relationship. Similarly, I don’t think men should have to PROVE they deserve to be in my life, but as soon as they prove that they DON’T deserve to be in my life, I need to walk away and go find someone who does deserve it (lather, rinse, repeat as necessary).
I’m leaning toward a zero tolerance policy with men, because you know what? There are A LOT of men out there!
Another (late) resolution! Done.