Reverb 10, Day 17 Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
I’ve been avoiding writing about this guy, although I do still think about him more than I want to. He even resurfaced over the weekend, with an innocent, friendly text that turned into a short, “this is SO completely normal” conversation, in which I got to be the one who left the last text unanswered.
Could he see through that? Did he know that meant it’s still so painful to talk to him, even via satellites (or whatever technology makes cell phones work that I obviously don’t understand)? Did he know that his text landed exactly one month post-breakup? It almost seemed too timed, like he decided to give me a month and then raise his little white flag to feel it out, but I’m pretty sure guys don’t actually think about that kind of stuff. But, if he was feeling it out, I hope he got his answer. TOO SOON. Which might always be the answer.
Anyway, that’s not REALLY what my response to today’s prompt is about. It’s about what I learned about myself from the whole experience. Ironically, I almost wrote about it yesterday, about how he changed my perspective on dating, but I didn’t want to write about him because I’d been doing so well. And now here we are.
This year, I learned that I can go all in. I thought that was for fools, but, this time, this fool rushed in. And it was fun. I learned that anything BUT something that gets me excited enough to act like that kind of a fool early on is not worth it.
I learned that being true to myself in relationships works out best and leaves no what ifs (yes, perhaps I’m a little stunted, but better late than never). I learned that awesome me attracts the quality of guy that I deserve better than half-awesome-trying-to-be-myself-only-in-a-smaller-box me anyway.
I learned that there are some things I won’t sacrifice and that I can’t change my values any more than a man can change his.
Finally, I regained my belief that eventually everything I’ve been looking for will find his way into my life and when the time is right, I will be everything to him as well.
I’m definitely ready to take these lessons, which have formed my new outlook on dating, into the new year with me.