I have officially ripped off the band-aid that is TGISWOTSDAKHEFAWBOAKHFTD. I was just too sad dealing with the slow dissolution. I’m disappointed with how things ended and am lamenting the loss of what I thought it could have been, but I needed this for now. He’s a good guy and we might try the friends thing in a bit, but for now we made a clean break.
I spent Saturday (after the race) in bed, a combination of a short night’s sleep, a hangover, race recovery, desire to finish Gossip Girl season three and general mopeyness. But on Sunday, I forced myself out again. I had errands to run and needed some sunlight.
Once safely in my bed again, I signed up for a free online dating site. I learned a lot from the boy and think I’m ready to change my dating attitudes and behaviors. The only way to test these theories is to get back out there.
I’ve been on this dating site before, but took my profile down when I thought the boy was going to become a more consistent fixture in my life. Less than 24 hours later, I’m reminded of all the awful things about online dating (perhaps it’s this site in particular).
Call it a lesson for the boys out there or a list of red flags…these are the faux pas that ensure the message will end up in the trash.
- I don’t want to see your ugly/scary tattoos.
- I don’t respond to “hey, how’s it going?” Worst pick up line ever.
- I don’t respond to a message that is so obviously copied and pasted from one girl to the next. I just signed up and it’s really hard to write about yourself, so my profile is seriously lacking right now, so I really don’t believe a guy who thinks we have SOOO much in common and the same values and blah, blah, blah.
- A few typos is understandable, an email riddled with them is unforgivable.
- Yes, I know, I have a great smile, but put something else in your email. I’ve already gotten into a completely obnoxious email exchange with a guy who mostly just wants to tell me how cute I am. Duh, but, even I tire of talking about that after a while and you now appear to have no depth.
- Similar to texts that have no point or call to action, if there’s no question in your message, something for me to respond to, I won’t.
- I don’t enjoy pictures of your big boy toys. Sorry, just not impressed. I’m sure you will find a lovely girl seeking her yo-dude, but it’s not going to be me.
- Repeated messages asking why I haven’t responded are not cute, they’re pathetic. Confidence is key, take your dignity and move along.
- Don’t use the “what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” line or any variation of it. Don’t tell me that you can’t believe I have any kind of trouble meeting guys. Obviously I do and the fact that you think I shouldn’t doesn’t make me like you any more. It makes me want to eat lots of ice cream because despite all outward appearances, apparently there is something wrong with me AND now I’m worried about the quality of people I’m going to meet here. I should probably just go to the free clinic and start hitting on the guys who look relieved and a little surprised by their results.
Part of my new attitude about dating is that it’s a numbers game, so I’m willing to participate for now. I will try to be a good sport, but just not with any of the guys who regularly engage in the above activities. The idea is that it will all be worth it in the end, so I’m okay with being back in the trenches for now.
The Next Moment 
If you don’t respond to, “hey, how’s it going?” then what do you consider a good enough pick up line?
-Lucky
A simple, “You seem interesting, I also like a, b or c. [Throw in a compliment about looks to make me blush and at least be honest about why he’s writing]. Take a look at my profile and let me know if you also think we’d be a good match.” It’s just enough effort without being too much.
I truly have always sucked at dating. Besides B, who married me and therefore doesn’t count, I’ve never had a healthy relationship. One highschool boyfriend, one date in all of college. (yeah, I only got asked out once in 4 years) Grad school was a conglomeration of being asked out by guys who weren’t legal and being cheated on by a guy in my church group. Post grad school included one other guy sleeping around on me and B.
I often wondered what was wrong with me. I spent lots of time crying into wine (my preference over ice cream) and lamenting my lack of dates to my Mom and other friends. I still don’t have a good answer. B’s just glad about it because it meant I was still around for him to snatch up. (his words)
I agree about all of your online dating tips. Best of luck!
I’m hoping eventually I’ll get to a story like yours. It’s all heartache until you meet the right person at the right time and then it isn’t and the past doesn’t really matter.
Pingback: TMI « The Next Moment